Yay, at last 2008 is coming to an end. Frankly speaking, this is the first time ever in my life where I am so looking forward to a new year.
Every time when the year is ending, I don’t really feel very happy about it because I will miss that year. Like when 2005 is ending, I will miss 2005 a lot because it is a great year for me.
But this year, no. Really, this is one of the worst year in my life.

Hmm, what have I really done in year 2008?
I broke up, I was alone. I cry so much in year 2008. I cry at college, I cry in my room, I cry when I bath, I cry in my friend’s car, I cry when I sing K, I cry everywhere. Luckily I’m over it now and I no longer cry cause of sohai (oops, sorry..lol), so freaking relieve.

Somehow when I lose something so important, I get to gain more friends. I know who really care about me and who treats me like a rubbish (like I really am deserve to be treated this way, wtf..fuck u). I found different groups of friends and here I wanna say a big thank you to you guys who is there for me no matter I’m sad or happy. Thank you to those who fetch me here and there, I really appreciate it a lot. :’)

As for trips, I went to Genting with my secondary friends, we call ourselves the Cheras Clan. I also went to Malacca with my girlfriends. I really have a lot of fun. :’D

Hmm, although this year sucks max, but still I have a lot of happy moments that I will never forget. No matter happy or sad, I remember every single thing. How some people try so hard to make me happy and also how some people use their best effort to make my life miserable. I remember it all. Grr…

<3

I’m really happy that this shit year will end in less than 24 hours. :’D
A new year means a new resolution, as always. Okay, lets see my resolution for 2009..

* I want to be a happier person, free from all those stupid retarded stuff that those stupid retarded people bring to me. Hmm, in another words I want to control my own emotions and not other people controlling it.
* Complete my room a.s.a.p!
* I want to get better results for my Year 3 subject.
* Buy myself a Sony Vaio, hopefully by April.
* Exercise!!! Badminton maybe, jogging maybe, or sit up also can la..
* Oh boy, I wish to go to Thailand. I wanna go shopping at Thailand.
* I wanna go to a beach. I want, I want, I want.
* I want to earn more money, I want money. $.$
* I want my face to be skinnier, I want to grow taller, and I want my boobs to be bigger. lol, wtf.. Okay, I’m just joking…………..or maybe I’m not. lol
* I want world peace and also I hope everyone will love out environment more. <3

That’s all I can think of at the moment. Might add more if something comes into my mind. All in all, I wanna be a better person. :’)
Oh man, I’m so gonna celebrate new year tonight. To be honest, I have not celebrate new year in my entire life. I’m from kampung, lol..

Yay yay, I’m so excited already. Everyone, lets celebrate the coming of 2009 together. :’D Cheers~~

I’ve got a lot a lot to update. Hmm, lets see….

As I said on my previous post, on Christmas night I went over to Jones house and celebrate Chinese Christmas. So here’s the pictures. :’D

* The host provide us with glow-in-the-dark thingy and here’s mine.

* Suckling pig, lol. All our foods are Chinese foods because we are having Chinese Christmas. -.-

* Hahahahahahahaha!!! Teh Fuh Haur bully by all of us, damn fun. Haha :’D

* The guys doing their thing again, lol.

* Look at them, look at them. These are my guy friends giving us all the stupid looks and poses, lol. Jian Yi, Jones, and Ken Jee.

* Trying to make Mickey ears for Mickey and Ken Jee is wearing that thingy on his ear. Very creative, lol.

* Me, Lee Kuan and Yee Wah. I’m half drunk and thanks to that cup of Black Label to make me fully drunk. -.-

* The whole bunch of us.

That night was quite fun, with all the glow-in-the-dark thingy, those sprays, and also that ‘dare’ game we played. Someone have to drink a whole cup of curry, another one have to lick another guys finger (eww, I know), and me………. I have to kiss Nam Hon. -.-
I feel so shy, omg. I feel so weird to kiss a friend which is kind of close to me. *blush* wtf..

And oh ya, I received a Christmas present this year from someone. :’))))
Thanks a lot, really a lot. Its so sweet of you to get me a new Levis watch. Totally replace my old one, which is spoiled and I don’t intend to fix it anytime soon. Thank you my dear. :’)

<3

On Boxing day, I went to Snips to dye my hair and it cost me only Rm40. :’D
But then don’t know why when its done, my hair root is still very dark. I think mostly is because the guy who do my hair put too few colouring or something so the senior stylist asked me to go back after one or two weeks to touch up again for FREE! :’D
Yay, its better this way because after 2 weeks my hair will grow longer, haha.

* Before going out to dye my hair. Why do my face always look that chubby? wtf

* Ah, this machine very syok, lol.

After that I went over to Bangsar with Shoey for shopping. :’)))
I get to buy my Chinese New Year clothes. :’D

* Because that Shoey is very very slow when she tries on those clothes, I have a lot of time to camwhore. :’D

* Is this dress nice? I actually kind of like it but Shoey say it looks funny and its a little disturbing because of that hole in front. -.- She said that hole looks as if its purpose is to spill out the boobs. -____________- What do you think? I really quite like this. Hmm..

Don’t know why I keep trying red coloured clothings, maybe because Chinese New Year is coming. I wanna buy red clothes. :’D

* Ahh, camwhore camwhore.

After that I meet up with Dexter to have my dinner/supper. :’)

* I like this picture. <3

My laziness is crawling over me now, I’ll update the others soon. Like real soon.

Oh ya, oh ya.. Yesterday after my work, I wanna go to Sungai Wang and have a walk while waiting for Dexter. I wanna withdraw money first but when I wanna take out my atm card, I realise its not in my wallet. :’ (
My IC, my atm card and my student card all gone. :’ (
I freaking lost my damn IC again, wtf. Sucks max.
I think it slipped out from my damn wallet and I didn’t notice it. But how can I not notice it when 3 cards drop at the same time? I’ve got no clue at all. I actually bought myself a new wallet but decided to use it when 2009 comes and now I guess I make the wrong choice, damn.
I’m extremely sad about it because I need to use money to get back my IC again. Again and again. Why do I always lost my stuff? Why even when I put it in my wallet, it manage to lost?
I really hate it when I lost my important stuff because I feel damn lost. Sigh, I nearly cry. :’ (
Super not happy, can. Please, I don’t wanna lost my things anymore.
Is it my fault? Am I too careless and clumsy?

DAMN!

Just a very very short update.

I’m not sure if I have the time to blog because I might be kind of busy these few days. Hmm, maybe I can update tomorrow night but I have to see.

Have been going out or work from morning till night these few days, except for Chirtsmas eve and I’m kind of tired. Sigh, I always say I’m tired and yet I sleep so late every night.

So on Christmas night I went to Jones house to celebrate. I have fun. :’)
But I am quite drunk because of that last cup that Jian Yi ask me to bottom up.
Leave the place, went over to Dex’s house and vomit. Lol..
Ask him, can I sleep on your bed? Just right after he say can then I go to his bed straight away and doze off. Haha, I’m really drunk. Sorry for sleeping on your bed, like so suddenly. lol
Seriously, I don’t wanna get drunk. Shouldn’t have drink that last cup.

Anyway, thank you people for all the concern, I’m fine right now. No longer emo. I just hope things will stay this way. I’m happy when I’m with you. :’)

Will post those pictures soon. Nights. :’)

How do you spend your Christmas eve?
How do I spend my Christmas eve?

I went over to Starbucks. Alone.
Ordered a hot Caramel Macchiato, sit down, and looked around. My eyes are searching for something, I am searching for something. I try to look around and see if there is anyone alone too, just so that if there is any, I know that I’m not the only one being alone which somehow makes me a little more calm.
But none. No one is alone except me. How pathetic.

I brought over two books. One for me to write and another for me to read. I scribble every thoughts down and when I’m done, I shift to the other book and start reading. This is how I spend my Christmas eve.
I just sit there alone, seeing people come and go.

Well, there are a lot of things I wanna say at first but on second thought, it is not needed. I try to pass the message, but I guess I fail miserably again. Its been quite a number of times already, I keep failing. All my messages seems to vanish somehow. Did you get me? Did you get my god damn message? I’m not talking about sms, in case you misunderstood. Do I need to fucking (sorry) draw the person together with the intestine? (Its somekind of Chinese idiom.)
Stupid shit, just let me use the word fuck.

Do you know what fucking day is today?
Why when I’m on the verge of recovering, there is always things like this that will pull me down again?

I went home really late just now. Somehow when I am walking back home, I wish that I die all of a sudden. Freak, I know.
Don’t bring me back to the stage where I keep thinking of dying, can?
You know I am like that. You know I am fucking emo, to the extend where I get so fucking annoyed at my own emo-ness I feel like slapping myself, damn it. Fucking sucks to be me, anyone wanna trade?

I wont be emo for 24/7 but when I am emo, my thinking can go fucking extreme. Please god, when can you stop doing this to me? I don’t wanna blame but I just want that tiny weeny bit of happiness, I just wanna borrow that few hours, or maybe even one hour will do, why cant I have it? If its so hard for me to have that tiny happiness, you might as well take away my bloody life.

I feel so fucking unwell now, all I want is to go to bed.
Sometimes, somethings when you don’t do it now, you can never do it later. Somethings are already too late. Too late, really.
(But then again, I’m a weak person. Most of the time when I have firm thinking, I always cant do what I say. I don’t wanna care, fuck I still care. I don’t wanna talk, fuck I still talk. Wheres my determination?
Heck care. Whats on my mind right now is that everything is too late now.

I don’t wanna pass any message anymore. You cannot decode it, no point.
Sigh, never mind I’ll just take it as my problem, maybe I’m fucking bad at encoding.
Whether its your problem or mine, I’m tired. I need a break.

Merry Christmas people. Merry Christmas.
Its 3.18 am now, I’m off to bed.

P/S: I really struggle for a while thinking if I should say it all here. Some things are better left unsaid, but is this one of those? Do I make the right decision this time? I tried, I fail. I try again, I fail again. I don’t know, but I’m really tired.

Oh ya, since Christmas sucks, I bet my Chinese New Year and Valentines Day will sucks max too. Hooray.

I nearly suffocated in the bus today, damn lots of people.
Sucks max. I just hate it when the bus is damn packed, hate to be sandwich.
I went out the whole day yesterday and until now I am still extremely tired. Physically and mentally tired. Brain is not functioning properly at the moment.

Don’t think I’ll be going out tonight.
Sigh, I just wanna stay in my bed, but my couzzie will be here sleeping on my bed. -.- I’ve to sleep on my bro’s bed for tonight, can I not?
Don’t do this to me now la, I just wanna be on my bed. : (
Sorry, a bit emo now. -.-

Maybe I’ll just go over to Starbucks and reflect a bit what I’ve done the whole year. My brain is fucking tired, damn it.
I just wanna say fuck so much right now, fuck fuck fuck.

Emo emo. I’ll head over to shower right now so that no one knows I’m crying. : (
Nah, I’m just joking. Bye.

Edited:
Shit, emo till forget to wish you guys. Have a Merry Christmas.. (‘.’)

Woo, I get off day for 6 days straight.
I’m not sure if its a good one because the more off day I have, the less money I can earn. And on top of that, I get really lazy after resting for so long.

Lets see…
Thursday – went for facial, then to furniture shop, then head over to Time Square for The Day The Earth Stood Still.
Friday – went to MidValley for shopping.
Saturday – went to Poppy. :”D
Sunday – stayed at home.
Monday – went out with my mom and brother to shop for new clothes.
Tuesday – will go for karaoke session and follow up by a lot of activities I suppose.

So I went shopping with my mom today. See, I don’t know why it is always like that. Every time I went to shop with my mom, I can never get clothes. Like never. I never buy anything today, not even a single tiny stuff. Got people to pay for my stuff but nothing catches my eye, nothing I feel like bringing home. Sad case. Other times when I’m out with my friends shopping, a bunch of stuff I wanna buy. Gawd, why?

But nevermind. I’ll go get it myself and pass the receipt to my mom. Ngek ngek ngek. :”D Chinese New Year is the only time she will spend money on me, damn kesian one.. I wanna go to a shoe shop today and she said ‘who say can buy shoe?’… I’m like what the hell.. Sigh, fine. I go get it myself.
And then I wanna buy undergarments, and she said ‘what also want people buy’.. I’m like what the hell again, I what also own self buy one lo.. Chinese New Year ma, sure buy new clothes, new shoes, and new undergarments one la.. -.-
Then she said that one wear inside, no need. -_________________-
Maximum swt!

And then here she comes again, ‘See la, your cousin what also use own money to buy, birthday party also ownself pay.. bla bla bla…’
Compare la, compare. Wth, she work all year long, sure got money to buy stuff lo. I have to study all year long, what she expect? Some more she never give me a single cent, never even pay for my tuition fees. Don’t know why my mom always compare me with people and I’m always the lousy one.

For goodness sake, I don’t wanna work for people and get RM2000 every month for the rest of my life, k? I’m studying for good, she say till as if I’m killing people like that. I tell my brother about it and he say I emo.. Wth..
Sigh, my mom always like this, I very sad one la.. Damn sien.. I’ll just do like what my brother say, action speaks louder than words.
Damn geram at my mother sometimes, ish.

I’ve got to work on Wednesday and Thursday, which is Christmas eve and Christmas. : (
Lucky I work till 8 only, I still can go out and celebrate it. Hmph..
Thursday night will be going to Jones house to celebrate. :’)
Wednesday night? I don’t know. I wish to walk with you, look at the Christmas tree with you, and take pictures with you.
I know Christmas might not mean anything to you, but….. I just wish you were by my side.

I think the way I blog is very weird. Sometimes I use proper English, and sometimes I like to mix it all up. lol
I’m more serious when I’m using proper English, am I or am I not?

Random picture, a very old one. I miss my long long hair.

A very very nice song. Shoey send me this song, and now its our song. Haha..
I can’t stop listening to it. Should have listen to this song way back, then everything will be easier for me. At least listening to this song makes me feel better. Yes, not worth it. :’D

除了想你 除了爱你
Chu le xiang ni, chu le ai ni
Besides thinking of you, besides loving you

hu ~ 我什么什么都愿意
hu ~ wo shen me shen me dou yuan yi
hu ~ I’m willing to do anything

翻开日记 整理心情
Fan kai ri ji zheng li xin qing
Flipping through the diary, straightening up my mood

hu ~ 我真的真的想放弃
hu ~ Wo zhen de zhen de xiang fang qi
hu ~ I really, really think of giving up

你始终没有爱过
Ni shi zhong mei you ai guo
All along, you have never loved [me] before

你在敷衍我
Ni zai fu yan wo
You are patronizing me

一次一次忽略我的感受
Yi ci yi ci hu lüe wo de gan shou
Every time [you always] neglected my feelings

我真的感到力不从心
Wo zhen de gan dao li bu cong xin
I finally feel helpless

无力继续
Wu li ji xu
No more strength to continue

这感情 不值得我犹豫
Zhe gan qing bu zhi de wo you yu
This feeling, is not worth it for me to hesitate

不值得我考虑
Bu zhi de wo kao lü
Not worth for me to think over

不值得我爱过你
Bu zhi de wo ai guo ni
It’s not worth it that I once loved you

这种回忆 不值得我提起
Zhe zhong hui yi bu zhi de wo ti qi
This piece of memory is not worth for me to mention

不值得想起
Bu zhi de xiang qi
Not worth to think about

不值得哭泣
Bu zhi de ku qi
Not worth crying for

这段感情 早就应该放弃
Zhe duan gan qing zao jiu ying gai fang qi
This feeling should be given up earlier

早就不该让我浪费时间找奇迹
Zao jiu bu gai rang wo lang fei shi jian zhao qi ji
That way, early on it would have not wasted my time looking for a miracle

这样的你 不值得我恨你
Zhe yang de ni bu zhi de wo hen ni
Having you like this, is not worth for me to hate you

不值得我为你而坏了心情
Bu zhi de wo wei ni er huai le xin qing
Not worth for me to ruin my mood because of you

我决定不为你而毁了心
Wo jue ding bu wei ni er hui le xin
I’ve decided not to let my heart break because of you

放弃爱你
Fang qi ai ni
[I’ve] Given up loving you