It sounded quite convincing at first.
…and then I start doubting it.
I know it is never as easy as that.
Your excuse, seems like a really great one.
I didn’t give it much thought until recently and I realise, that’s quite a lame excuse.
Very lame, in fact.
I’m not THAT stupid to not know roughly what’s going on. I do know.
And thanks for the harsh words of yours, it helps a lot indeed.
I know you don’t understand.
You don’t understand what it feels like. Especially, you don’t understand me.
It’s normal for you to not understand me, not like you’ve been through all the hell I’ve been through.
Even if you don’t understand, doesn’t mean you have to come out with words that hurt. Do you?
Please do have some empathy. I’m not quite bless like you are.
I didn’t wanna act like this either and if you haven’t notice already, you’re the one who put me into this.
Sort of.
No one did shits to you just yet, till then you’ll want others to have some empathy too.
I find it hard to talk to you. I don’t want to talk to you anymore.
Because I can never trust what you said from now on.
I always, ALWAYS second guess myself.
I second guess every single decision I’ve made, big ones of course.
Every time I made mistake, i blame myself. Thoroughly.
I regret when things don’t come out right.
I blame myself for choosing the wrong way.
I blame myself for my own heartbreak.
And then I’ll start with all the ‘I shouldn’t have….or I should have….’ kind of crap. To be frank it’s killing me slowly.
I know I should learn from mistakes and bla bla bla… but no. I cant forgive myself for all the mistakes I’ve made.
I’m really harsh on myself, don’t be I know.
But then that’s me, I’ve always been like this since long time ago.
I try to change. I keep telling myself its okay to make mistake. Every human being makes mistake.
Sometimes all this self-psycho works magically, sometimes it just don’t.
I’m a paranoid girl with problems, lots of problems.
Little problems, big problems, they just get heavier and heavier.
I’ve been carrying all these problems with me and walk and walk and walk.
For so many years, I’ve just been walking with all these problems on my back.
And you just look from afar.
So far away, I don’t even know where.
I just want to stop walking and have a loooooooong rest.
Dad, I’m really tired.
**
Some pictures from Zouk last week. I just don’t feel like talking bout Zouk now, so whatever.
* Ken’s last night at KL before going back to Penang to for classes.
* Both sick of drinking.
* Ken acting nerdy.
* And Ian boy.
I wonder if you can hear me or if all the letters that I’ve wrote works.
Where are you??????????????????
I can’t quite feel you, you know?
Can’t you just come to my dreams, give me a hug and tell me it’s gonna be alright?
You don’t even come to my dreams anymore. ):
the only time i’m not thinking is when i’m dancing in the club. fml!
i need music. i need to club.
last night at zouk was fun, the music perhaps.
and now i cant stop listening to Love is Gone by David Guetta & Chris Willis, super highh .
i’m trying real hard but its not working so fuck it for the moment.
i just want to party and stop giving a fuck on everything.
so bring me people, bring me.
the best moment : dance as if nothing’s bothering you.
more on zouk later.
needa sleep, work tomorrow.
nights world.
Gathering is a must have every time friends from other states came back to KL for holiday.
So this time round for Raya holiday, we had potluck party.
Actually it was suppose to be a ‘back to school’ potluck party but these guys didn’t want to do uniforms and all so yeah.. no more ‘back to school’, pfft. ):
We went to Weng Kee’s house, yes again. A very good place to party, mwahaha.
* Pig and me.
* Friends are still the best. (:
* Jones drinking beer, smoking ciggie, and being sexy. wtf.
* Fish spa without fishes!! -_-
* Some of the guys went down to the pool willingly, while some others are drag into it. Playing silly games, hahaha.
* Celebrated Kok Hoe’s be-early birthday as well.
* They had so much fun, I so wanna go down to the pool as well but tak bawa baju. wtf.
A very silly video of us, ngehaha.
Sorry, my hands are really shaky. And I laugh too much, wtf.
More videos at Facebook soon.
Almost everyone’s back from University for Raya holiday. (:
And these guys used Hari Raya as the excuse for us to party on a Sunday night.
Didn’t want to go at first due to some reason, but but but suddenly there’s this ‘very-want-to-party’ feeling kicked in. tsk tsk .
But I regretted going somehow. Prince’s World, a new club?
NO! It’s another way of saying ‘gays night’ at Maison, wtffff! I forgotten that its guy’s night on Sunday or else I wouldn’t go.
* Lee Kuan came to my house before we left to Maison. You really need some kind of skill to persuade her to go.
* It’s a very boring night, trust me.
* Ken so big size. :3
* Yi wants to ‘letak electric’ again is it?
* Cheras clan’s girls. (:
* There, this is how it looks like. This is only the beginning you know, when its around 1am the dance floor is fulllll of guys. Gay guys.
No, I don’t discriminate them. But it’s quite a sad scene to see guys kissing guys, wtf. Its like, even if all of us girls at upstairs go naked, none of the guys will give any reaction. Damn sad can. @@
The male population in the world is lesser than female’s population and now all these guys decided to go gay, it’s not gonna be enough, wtf.
For once, I encourage girls to go lesbian. Go go go! :*D LOL!
* Sigh, like the gayssss at the dance floor is not enough, they still wanna act gay. T__T
* Ken kiss kiss, so I also kiss kiss larh. :*D
* Heart this picture a lot. ♥
There’s a few more gay pictures at my Facebook. Feel free to take a look, lol.
Hurhurr, I swear I’m not gonna go to Maison on Sunday anymore. Like seriously, no second time. -_-’
But if you really want to have a look, by all means go ahead, ahhhaa.
* Seriously I’m getting fatter and fatter, wtf. ):
* Movie’s at 12, so we went there early to chill out for awhile.
* The guys at next table.
* The guys opposite of me.
* My hot ginger + cola. I’ve been sick for a few days, everything I ate just seems so tasteless. ):
Still have time after our drink, me and Hon decided to go for pool.
mmm. It’s been quite awhile, I suck so bad now.
* This pool table damn cannot, so small. So not fun. I want to play pool at Fireball!!!! Anyone? Train me? :*D
Straight to the movie after our pool. GForce is really funny and the guinea pigs are uber cute. :*D
A must watch if you’re into cute animals. I keep laughing and smiling throughout the movie. :*D
There’s this female guinea pig named Juarez and she has a Facebook account in the movie. All of us are pretty stoned by the scene.
Ee went to Facebook and check out if Juarez really has got an account there and taddaa!
I took public transport today.
I was in the bus and all of a sudden all memories came flashing back.
During secondary days, we bunch of friends will take the bus down to Sungai Wang and loiter around or to Leisure Mall to catch a movie after school.
I often lied to my mom and told her I need to stay back for some co-curriculum or shits like that.
I really miss school days a lot. I’ve been to four different schools, including my kindergarten. (:
My kindergarten is just near my house and it shifted to some other place few years back. I always pass by it and will smile every time. I feel kind of sad when I know it will no longer be there.
I still remember all the tables and chairs, they are all so small. And I love my English teacher the most cause she really sayang me a lot. I always get to sit on her lap when she marks our book.
And I also remember during break time, all of us will line up and get our food. Red bean soup plus biscuit.
Very cute. :*D
The there’s Sri Murni. I like the uniform the most. We girls wear a blue pinafore inside and a red blouse outside. So when you take out the red blouse, our uniform go sleeveless. So cute.
Me and my friends will always walk up and down the stairs, putting on the blouse and the removing it like what models do when they catwalk. We have our own mini catwalk. Haha.. :*D
Our canteen, I super love the maggie mee but we have to like pour the hot water into our bowl itself and you know my size. I always need help. Oh, I remember the uncle who sells beverages there, I always ask for more ice. Sometimes I go dig the ice myself. :*D
Running under the chalets chasing around, going to the basketball area behind the chalets, and playing barbie dolls and what not during co-curriculum. The best time is when our teacher said, ‘Okay, bring out the tikar from the locker and play your toys quietly’. Best ever. (:
And oh, our school have this chameleon and it scare the shit out of me. @_@
Then there’s Sri Garden. They don’t have chameleon there but they do have bees. Bees scare the shit out of me too. @_@
I’m very proud of my school back then, cause got air-con one, wtf. Normal schools no air-con. @_@ HAHA!
What I love best is the hopscotch. We love to play the hopscotch. And I super like to use rubber band to throw cause its the easiest, wtf. During break time, some have to run down and ‘book’ the hopscotch, and some have to go to canteen to buy food. I always eat chicken wing. Rm1.20. Then my friend Cindy always eat drumstick, Rm1.50. Now a piece of chicken cost RM2.50 and above, so the expensive. ):
I love canteen’s food. Rm1 spicy lala, Rm2.50 chicken rice, wantan mee, porridge, pizza, jelly longan……..
You know, back then the chicken rice to me is very expensive. Sometimes I just buy the yellow rice, it’s only 50cents. Then I’ll pour some soysauce on it and just eat. Very nice actually. Hee :*D
We have this chinese subject where our chinese teacher will paste a manila card on the wall with all our names on it. Those who did well in class will get stickers and I always have 3 or 4 stickers only. My chinese damn teruk can. ): Ah, and during standard 6 we have this stay back thing every Friday for our UPSR, before the lesson start we will have a rather long break. We will always play some silly games in the class, like there’s this one I remember. We will join two tables together, put a long ruler in between and play pingpong just like the TVB Super Trio (Jiong Mun Yan). We’ll play all sorts of funny funny stuff.
Oh, Bam Villa. We’ll also walk over to Bam Villa and buy snacks. Then sometimes go to basketball court to see guys play basketball. hah!
By the way, Sri Garden have the best toilet ever. @_@
Finally my beloved SMK Cheras. ngehehe (:
Best tembok times. How we use to sit behind our class at the tembok and chat nonstop. How we always loiter around at another class instead of our own. How we always say ‘yerrr… lou si lei jor’(yerrr.. teacher’s here) and rush back into the class.
I study in Science2 during Form4 and 5. Me and Ee Cheeng are the naughtiest girls in the class, haha. Both of us like to loiter around so much. We have this Jadual Bertugas and guess what is our job.
Not sweeping the floor or arranging tables. Our job is to empty the rubbish bin, which is actually a guy’s job.
The bin is so dirty but I like to empty it because I get to go out of the class and walk around the school, wtf.
During assembly time, there’s always random spot check and I’ll go ‘SHIT!’, because I’ve got this little pig hanging on my bag. I’m not allow to do so. @_@
But lucky lots of my friends are prefect, including my then boyfriend. All I have to do is just pass everything that is ‘illegal’ to them and voila! :*D
Everytime in the class, I will look at the watch non-stop or Ee will keep asking me about the time. When I get too bored in the class, I’ll start to think what should I eat during lunch. @_@
That’s how bad my concentration skill is. Then I’ll ask Ee, ‘Eh, what should I eat? nasi lemak? french fries? fried rice? i all also feel like eating wor…’. zzzzz, that’s me. lol.
After our lunch there will be junior prefects who will shoo us back to class BUT so many of our friends are senior prefects including boyfriends, so they just leave us alone. Best. :*D
Then when we’re late for our maths class, our teacher will ask ‘you both are prefect ah now? lunch until what time? why come back same time as those prefect har?’ and all we answer is ‘har? er.. hehehehe.’ -_______-
LOL! We even follow the boys, buy icecream and eat it in the class. Damn rebellious.
Then we’ve got this male Physic teacher who will always talk dirty stuff with the guys. All the guys will surround him and will laugh like mad. Everytime I ask what’s that, no one answer me. Wtf lar.
Boyfriend coming into our class, we going to boyfriend’s class, walking around school together really is one of the best time. I just love every moment in that school. Guys and girls talking together in the class. How other teacher was shocked when they pass by Science2 cause our class is so quiet, everyone doing work when there’s no teacher in our class.
And and the songs we sang together on the stage, where I tremble like hell.
How we practice our dance and have fun at the same time for teacher’s day. Omg, endless……….
I just can’t get enough. If only all of us can go back to school for a week, I’ll be really happy enough. (:
Quite impossible I know. No, not quite. It’s totally impossible, wtf.
But fret not Cheras Clanners, we’re going back to ’school’ soon. :*D
Don’t you just love school. Worry free. You just go to school to have fun.
Homework? What? No one care, lol.
You will only understand how this sentence work after you finish highschool.
‘Enjoy your school time now because school time is always the best.’
Most of us will go like, ‘What? School time best? Are you kidding me? I hate school.’
And now I feel like telling those kids, really.. enjoy your school time.
I’m toooooo lazy to sort out the pictures I took during TMusic Festival, so yeah no pictures for the moment.
Mom called and asked me if I want tickets and of course I said yes. Three free tickets, I went with the twin sisters.
I’m such a greedy girl, because I want to sit nearer. I’m pretty far behind.
I know right, free tickets and yet I still complain. Haha..
My pictures are all quite crappy cause I’m so far behind, and all I can snapped is the big screen in front of me. Wtf.
Never mind. Do go to Vvens blog for some really nice pictures that night. She’s at the VVIP area just right in front of the stage and her pictures are really awesome. :*D
There’s quite a lot of celebrity that night and my favorite is Justin, Soler, and CHIN from Thailand. I go crazy when Chin performed. He’s like super duper handsome can, I almost fainted. wtf. I think every girl likes him, toooooo good looking. T__T
My intention of this post is not to talk about TMusic Festival but I thought I should report a little and after I type and type about the concert, I’m totally blank on what I initially want to talk about. Shit. @_@
@_@
Still blanking.
I’ll come back to this when I figure it out . . .
Edited:
hur hur, i still can’t recall what I wanted to say.
and i’m having headache now. ):
don’t wanna think about it anymore, just let it be.. lol..
bai.
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