i was expecting penang.
i was expecting more movies. and SAW 6.
i was expecting to touch up my tattoo.
i was expecting so much more.

turns out, it’s the same.
a little too happy for nothing previously.

i thought i saw something different, but no.
a little too disappointed.
a little too reluctant.
but i’m left with no choice.

*yawn*
sorry for not updating but erm.. yah, updating now.
my brain is shutting down soon. i sleep way too much.
been sleeping a lot lately, not because i’m tired.
i don’t wanna think about anything and the best way is to sleep.

when i saw my own reflection in the mirror, i asked myself why.
how could i be THAT stupid. like really really stupid.
how could i even make that decision to pick something up. something that i once try so hard to let go.
something that make me so depress, probably the only thing i know how to do is cry.

why do i want to give myself hope by saying stupid stuff to myself. i totally do not understand.
like, wth is wrong with me?
but don’t tell me i’ve been told, because from what it use to be, months back till now you really make me feel different.
i just don’t wanna mention and talk about it, which is why i didn’t say anything.
i don’t want to listen to all those reasons that wouldn’t sound right to me.

but whatever it is, when it comes to this point……
the only thing i know is. i am stupid.
the worst thing that came from you is not the answer. but is you telling me i did not change.
i work so hard to change myself, to be so damn patience and not be angry anymore and you told me i did not change.
i made a wrong mistake by letting you in again.

give myself a little bit of time and it will go back to how it use to be.
to be frank. we do not need each other no matter in what sense.
there wont be any turning back after today. everything’s blur but i like it that way. i hate memories.
8 freaking years. i am tired.

there’s too much going on in my mind right now.
too much stuff bothering me.

but then it’s like at the same time i’m not allow to even talk about it.
i wonder sometimes if i’m lucky to have what i have now which is sort of like a dream..
or actually the god is fooling me once again.

even in my dreams, it appears to be the same.
at times i really am not sure which is reality and which is dreams.