Category: :(

Jan 26

some friend never agree all along.
never bother asking. never bother finding out.
never bother to listen to my side of story.
never bother standing in my shoes.

some friend that never bother.
perhaps only bother making own judgement.
it just hurt in a way to know that your friend never truly bothers how you feel deep down.

hurt plus disappointment with a little bit of anger.
maybe. just maybe i don’t need a friend like you in my life when i’m so insignificant in yours.
it still hurt as much and i’m not sure when it will stop hurting.
but i don’t live to please you.

i tried, chance were not quite given.
or it feels like it.
no, not over sensitive. i just know it.
tell me i’m wrong.

if you will.
but then again, i guess i’ll never see you the same anymore.

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Posted in :(, emo-emo *hurhur*

Dec 10

runaway

can’t quite describe how this song makes me feel.
emotional is not even the right word.
this is such a good song and i’m in love with the singer’s voice, so very soothing.

I was feeling sad
Can’t help looking back
Highways flew by
Run, run, run away
No sense of time
Want you to stay
Want keep you inside

Run, run, run away
Lost, lost, lost my mind
Want you to stay
Want you to be my prize

All along, not so strong without these open arms.
Hold on tight.
All along, not that strong without these open arms.
Lie beside.
All along, not so strong without these open arms.
Ride beside.

i’ll definitely miss you.
from far…

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Posted in :(, ♥, emo-emo *hurhur*, quotations & sentences *inspiree*, video *woaah*

Nov 17

We exchanged glances, nothing more.

i no longer feel happy having you around me.
in fact, your presence eats up all the happiness in me.
having you in the same room as i am, it feels like there’s tons and tons of rocks on my shoulder weighing me down.
really, all that i could feel is disappointment, sadness, regrets, and guilt.

we exchanged glances without saying a word.
maybe it’s just me. or maybe it’s the both of us. i don’t know.
it feels like there’s so much words inside waiting to be set free yet, not a word come out from either of us.
not a spoken word.
we looked into each others’ eyes yet, trying hard not to look into it.
how tense more can the situation be?

we no longer talk like we use to. and i barely laugh in front of you anymore.
what have we become?
i wish i know. i wish i weren’t feeling this way.
but we both know it takes some time to turn things back like how it use to be.
though i’m not sure if that is even possible.

all the moments. all the feelings. all that happened.
there’s only me and you.

only me and you.

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Posted in :(, ♥, deep-thoughts *hmm*, quotations & sentences *inspiree*

Mar 25

what a day man!
woke up at 10 today. group discussion at 11 plus until 7.
went home, eat my dinner and continue on my assignment till now.
its 12.30 midnight!!!

i feel like dying. U__U
i still need to send another assignment’s draft to my friend but my brain is shutting down anytime soon.
omgbbq @#&&*^#(@&#*)*#Q&(&()@*&!@!

okay! done with my ranting. i need to sleep!!!
plus, today’s an emo day. fts(fuck this shit) LOL!
nights.

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Posted in :(, ramblings *blabla*

Mar 06

so beautiful .yet so ugly.

this week started off as a hell for me.
as i said earlier, holiday turned me into a rather lazy girl.

a lazy girl bombarded with plenty of assignments equals to *^$@&#*#&@^&@ *dut dut dut* !!
but my hardworking spirit *cheh* came back after a day.
its not that bad after all and now I’m so use to it.

waking up so early almost everyday.
discussions for hours and hours till evening.
nap for only an hour.
and go to bed earlier than usual.
sangat ber-routine, hah!

***
my lecturer asked us a question in the class the other day.
‘who had been in love before?’
some of the students raised up their hands. i did not.
i cant tell you why i did not raise up my hand, cause i myself do not know why either.

she asked for the second time.
‘who had been in love before?’
and more students response by raising up their hands this time, including myself.

she then asked another question.
‘whose heart had been broken before?’
i looked at her. i took a glimpse at those around me.
once again students raise up their hands.
i then raised up mine slowly, feeling rather stone because i wasn’t expecting my lecturer asking all these kind of questions in the class.

then she told us.
‘those who had their heart broken are those who love passionately.’

she once interviewed a drug addict.
she described this drug addict with a word.
skinny.
almost fleshless, what’s left is only bones wrapped by his skin.

then she told us how this drug addict inject himself.
i’ve got no idea how he did it but what she said was, he leaned on the wall, pushed himself into the needle, poking through his feet.
not on any part of his body but his feet.

heart-wrenching.
i know if i’m there to witness this scene, i’ll cry.

she asked him, what is the reason he did drugs.
and he answered, the girl he love left him.

my heart literally stopped for a moment.
‘those who had their heart broken, if they are painter they no longer paint, if they are writer they no longer write.’

this story just hit me somewhere. somehow.
i feel really sad for him.

love. can be the best thing yet the worst.
seems like. it can lift you up to heaven yet it can push you down to hell.

so beautiful .yet so ugly.

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Posted in :(, deep-thoughts *hmm*, ramblings *blabla*

Jan 02

sick sick go away

second of january but it still feels like end of the year.

i wanted to stay at home on the new year itself.
but i was dragged by mahwengkee . to IPOH!!

he texted me. i said i’m quite tired.
then he called and said ‘come larh. come with us. you can sleep in the car.’
me: zzzzzzzz -_______- okloooooorrrrrrrrrhhhhhhhh .

i guess i should really stay at home .when we reached ipoh, i feel sick. omg
sick on the new year day itself. why oh why.
but i still get to eat the oh-so-famous ipoh chicken hor fun.
i’ve got slight fever and yet i feel so cold.
i feel cold but i still ate icecream potong. why i so like that?

it gets worse when i go to bed. off the aircon, put on my comforter and i’m still freezing.
freezing but my temperature go up up and up. plus headache. wtf ):

i’m better now but the headache is still here.
don’t do this to me. i wanna go out tonight. pffffttttt

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Posted in :(, ramblings *blabla*

Nov 09

I want to blog. Blog about my 21st birthday party but my cable is downstairs and its late now, I’ve got not much energy left in me.

I just wanted to blog. To write something.

Well well, I wonder how long it takes for me to let go the grudges completely.
It is indeed kind of annoying when every time I thought I’m over this shit , I actually am not.
Days later when I accidentally come across things related to you, I feel the pain all over again.
Not to say pain but that very uneasy feeling ,you know.

Deep down, I really really don’t want to be angry at you and at the whole incident.
Because I do like you. Whether as a friend or not, I like this person. This person is you.
Argh. I just don’t know how to describe the whole situation, the exact feeling I’m having.

Sigh, but I remember what harsh word you once said.
You really put me in such a dilemma situation.
Forgive and forget? I’m not sure if I can.

I do still think of you. I miss you.

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Posted in :(, deep-thoughts *hmm*

Nov 04

Few more hours. . .

It’s finally my turn.
And I can’t believe it.
Seriously, time passes faster than it should.

I feel happy and excited last week because my birthday is finally coming.
But I started to feel really weird yesterday.
I don’t want my birthday to come. I’m not too sure why.
Like suddenly I’m not feeling that happy anymore.

I don’t even know why my birthday reminds me so much of you.
I still remember what you said to me on msn about my birthday back then. Back then when we were still friends.
Missing you at this very moment is not gonna do me any good, it pulls down my mood.

And I miss dad too. Which makes me feel even worse.
I’m gonna be a grown up after the clock strikes 12, dad.
10 god damn years without my dad celebrating my birthday with me.

Shit. I shouldn’t be feeling this way.
I should feel happy. Gah! ):

I don’t know what else to say.
I’m not ready to turn 21. I’m not ready for my birthday. I’m not ready for my birthday party.
I just don’t want it to come.

Because when it’s finally here, it just means the end is at the corner.

The usual pessimistic Peggy Chow, signing off.

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Posted in :(, deep-thoughts *hmm*

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