have my feelings ever ever cross your mind?
not even a single time?

this ain’t the first time.
why are you always telling stuff that you shouldn’t tell?
worse still, always to the wrong people.

was your intention to make fun of me?
if yes, congrats then. you succeed.
i feel humiliated.

for all that you’ve done, there’s only one thing i could feel.
you hate me.
you probably like it a lot if i get upset because of you.
you’ve been trying to upset me non stop.

if you really hate me that much, just leave.
that’s the only thing i can say.

I came across this very upset commercial on Youtube and would like to share it with you guys.
I wonder if this commercial make you cry, because i did.
My tears are always like the water from water tap, lousy stuff.

At the middle, it’s like my dad is talking to me.
Asked me to look after my mom and take good care of her. )’:
There’s always this gap between me and my mom, I’m trying to destroy.
Probably I did not work hard enough.

Anyway, tell me if you did cry after watching the commercial. hah. :\

我并不是不在乎.
我很在乎但我又能做什么?

第一次你陪我坐著
我的手心是空空的
我知道那些簡訊聲你努力藏著
還怕我難過

不追問到底為什么
是我最后的溫柔
想笑著附和說分開是好的
但我們卻怎么 一起哭了

我舍不得
可是時間回不去了
愛你很值得 只是該停了
沒有我你要好好的

我舍不得
最后一次抱緊你了
我們錯過的 錯了就錯了
不用擔心我 我不愛你了

不追問到底為什么
是我最后的溫柔
想笑著附和說分開是好的
但我們卻怎么 一起哭了

我舍不得
可是時間回不去了
愛你很值得 只是該停了
沒有我你要好好的

我舍不得
最后一次抱緊你了
我們錯過的 錯了就錯了
不用擔心我 我不愛你了

至少你記憶里的我 是微笑的
親愛的 有你牽著我的那些日子
真的好快樂

我舍不得
可是時間回不去了
愛你很值得 只是該停了
沒有我你要好好的

我舍不得
最后一次抱緊你了
我們錯過的 錯了就錯了
不用擔心我 我走了

这首歌让我的眼泪掉下了来.
我不想变得像这首歌说的那样.
我舍不得.

what else can i say?
other than me being stupid.

i laugh at my own stupidity as my tears roll down.
how fucking pathetic.

how fucking stupid i am.
anger. hurt. sad. regret. fuck up.

thank you.
thank you very much.

please. don’t even bother about this post.

3.24 am right now.
i went to catch a very hilarious movie with my friends. Old Dog.
and i’m glad that i did not stay at home.

it helps.
but now that i’m finally home, typing this.
it creeps into my mind again.

i thought i wouldn’t feel that much pain since it’s already the tenth.
but i’m wrong. i feel even worse.

exactly ten years ago. at this hour. you left.
remember how i lean on the bed. holding your hand ever so tightly and called you.
‘ba ba’

fuck. i’m not even finish and i’m already crying. fml
well fine. i don’t know what to say anymore.
wish you were here. as always.

dad. i’m pretty fine.
i hope you’re doing good too.
i’m getting a tattoo tomorrow.

it says.
fuck cancer.

after so long. dad finally came into my dream again last night.
after so so long. i’ve been missing him so much.

a lot of times when i dream of my dad .it is about him coming back home.
like finally he’s back home again after like what. ten years.
same goes to yesterday’s dream. he came back home.

i guess i really want him back so much.
in my dream, the first thing i do when i saw him in the house is run over to him.
and hug him .and cry.
i don’t know how long i actually hugged him, because i remember i didn’t want to let go.
i didn’t want him to leave me. and i keep crying and crying.

it’s like every time, a part of me know that i am dreaming.
and that’s why i try to make him stay as long as i could.
but dreams are always short. and in the end i have to wake up to this reality.
dad’s gone once again.

dad. i’m a lot taller now.

it will be ten years very soon. but until today i’m still crying like he just leave me yesterday.
please appear more in my dreams. come home more. i miss you.

cry for the second time of the year. damn.

i cried.
first time of the year.

the song that is currently playing brought me to tears.
how the lyrics exactly describe the me back then. how very me.
all the memories came flashing back.

so vivid.
so vivid that my tears started rolling down . my heart ache.
no. not that kind of ‘you broke my heart into a million of pieces’ kind of shit heartache.
no. this is not some lovey dovey shit.

you know how when you watch a movie.
when the story goes perfectly fine .how so beautifully written and in a split second .tragedy hits.
that kind of heart ache.

the feeling of disappointment. i never in my life feel this disappointed before.
so very disappointed till i cry.

my friend disappoint me. a friend who i use to grow up together with.
who changed so much. from good to bad. from bad to worse.
from someone who is so like-able. to someone that you can hardly find a thing to like about.

i asked myself why. why did you turn into such a person.
am i to blame? am i the cause of your suffering?
a part of it yes. but to come to think of it .what resulted me in causing your suffering?
i guess you know it better than i do.

all the memories. so sweet yet so bitter.
it hurts to see a friend like you turning into a person like such.
are you truly happy?
you’re living in your own world. you shut your real self away.
you pretend. right?

i don’t know if you’re feeling sad. but me seeing you acting this way.
definitely made me tear.
it feels like. i lost a close friend. a very close friend.
not a very good feeling i must say.

i’m stupid enough to say all this. stupid enough to cry. stupid enough to feel upset.
but since i’m already that stupid. so just let me finish this.
stop doing that anymore. bring back the old you.

i hope my post did slap you hard. wake up already.
go. breakdown and cry. and lock this not-so-new you into a dark box .and bring back your old self.

i can only do this much.
i’m not gonna go any closer. i cant.
and im not willing to put myself out .just to get myself all hurt again.

really. there’s no more trust left. no more love.
there’s only this much.
you take care. friend.

why are you always picking on me?
you’re always picking about something. something about me.
why me ?

do you really hate me that much?
you constantly compare me with my cousin sisters, why is that so?
is there really nothing about me for you to be proud of?
i live my own life, you don’t expect me to follow everything you want me to be.

you just have to accept the fact that your daughter, ME is not an A-student.
nor am I a daughter who wakes at 8am, sleeps at 10pm.
work 6 days a week or whatsoever.
Sorry to disappoint you, i really am not that kind of person.

same goes to you.
i just have to accept that you will never give me allowance anymore and seriously, i accepted all the shits from you long ago.
i know you like to pick on me, well fine i try to keep quiet. i tolerate.
but can you please tolerate with me too.

can you like please. PLEASE stop comparing me with anybody else.
if you cant become the mother i wish to have, don’t force me to become a daughter that i cant be.
do you know how much i envy some girls, who can go shopping with their mom. who can laugh and talk.
where the mom will give hugs and kisses.
i know you aren’t like that, which is also why i never force you to be one.

i’m not that bad, am i?
i did not smoke, i did not do drugs, and i can’t even drink.
all i do is go out with my friends because they make me laugh, they make me happy.
there’s a reason why i never like to stay at home.
every time you saw me, you find faults in what i did or what i did not do.

mom, i’m a human.
human make mistakes and sometimes all i did is i forgot to take my hanging clothes from the bathroom.
i forgot, not that i don’t want to.

why can you forgot to turn off the gas stove and i cant forgot about things?
you cant blame me for loving dad more .he never compare me with anyone, he never said any harsh words like you did.
i’m the best for him but yet, for you i’m the worst.

i don’t know what kind of a person i am to you. never dare to ask anyway.
you might think that i’m those happy go lucky girl who never gives a shit about anything, who only knows how to go out and hang out with friends, do shits with friends and whatnot.
im an emo girl, i doubt if you even know that.
i cry a lot and most of the time, i can turn to no one but friends. i doubt if you know that too.

you always seems like you dislike me a lot.
i sometimes wonder, will you be a tad bit happier if i’m gone.
i remember you once said, take a bigger knife and cut yourself, small ones cant kill you..
i remember it till this very day. i remember every single shit you say to me.

it’s like, i wanted to say good morning to you.
but sometimes, i don’t even feel like talking to you anymore.
i guess you’ve no idea how much hurt you bring to me.

and you know what, i have the urge to show this to your bf so he can let you know, how exactly i am feeling.
i’ll never say all this straight to your face, i’ll probably cry till i cant say a single word.

and i too remember, you said.. i cry because i want people to sympathize me.
no mom, that is because i cant control my tears.
i don’t need anyone’s sympathy.