It looks like most of my recent post are all about pictures and only pictures.
Talking about where I’ve been, what I’ve done for the entire day and shits like this.
Most of the time, I sit in front of the computer typing away things I feel like saying and few seconds later, I backspace everything. Stare at the computer, wondering why am I backspacing those words.
I don’t want my blog to be yet another boring blog with stupid camwhore pictures, but then I ponder if I should let people know my thinking and feelings like I normally would.
I never thought of it as anything, until one day when my friend told me that its rather stupid to let people know what I’m thinking. Because that way, people will know my weakness and the big bullies will try every possible way to bring me down.
Its a cynical world out there, someone once told me. Its a very scary world. No one can protect me, only me myself.
But the question is, how? I never learn. I never never learn.
Yes, people hurt me and I will get angry right then. But then after weeks or months, I can easily forget all the shit things that these people have once done.
I always say karma, I believe in karma. But when karma really happen, when I see these people experiencing the not so good moment of life, I don’t feel happy.
I thought I’ll be really happy when karma really hits back, but I feel sorry. I just don’t want to see these people upset and struggle in their live.
I don’t know whats wrong with me. I should hate these people, I should. But instead, I feel so sorry and I feel like being there for these people. They might not need me, but I just don’t feel nice about it. I think I’m out of my mind.
My friends almost slap me on my face when they heard this. Where on earth can you find a person stupid-er than me?
People always tells me that I’m naive. Since what? Since I’m Form 2, I heard this phrase till now.
I’m stupid, I’m naive, I’m someone who can be cheat on easily. I just want everything to be easier.
I just want to make friends and trust them, but now….I have to keep telling myself, ‘you better see properly first, you better not trust them fully, you better this.. you better that..’
What the heck, why la? Why cant everyone be nice?
In my context, it is this way; when I treat people nice, people will treat me nice. But then no, this is not the real world.
Even if you treat someone nice, they can still step on your head and shit on it, without feeling guilty at all.
I really dislike analyzing so much before we can truly be friends or anything, but this is the way it should be in order to protect myself. Super complicated stuff.
I think it’ll take me years before I can really get the hang out of it, knowing which person is the one to keep and which person I should never put my trust on.
Its time for a change. Its time to really grow up and get out of my comfort zone. Its time to get out and really see how ugly this world can be. Its always better to hurt other people than to let people hurt you. Maybe I should really learn how to be an evil person, but this is never my thing. Everything is about strategy, its a game.
Even if you were to like someone, you have to bla bla bla, before you bla bla bla, in order to bla bla bla and then you bla bla bla. What the heck, so complicated.
I prefer high school life, everything is so simple back then. Argh….. I seriously hate this.
But anyway, I really want to thank my friends for scolding me stupid or else, I wouldn’t realise how stupid I was.
My friends feel unhappy when they see me act this way, its like I’m letting people to hurt me or something. : (
I’m so sorry… I was so speechless last night. Boo…
Some stuff is bothering me at the moment. Nothing major, but it keeps popping out in my mind.
I’m so focus, I cant seem to concentrate on doing other stuff. It takes time to achieve what I want, I’ll be patience this time. : )
* Tell me, do I look like a very easy to bully girl? -.-
* My room is too dark and I did not use flash, hence the low quality picture.
What do you guys say? Are you the very careful type? Or are you the silly and naive type, just like this dumb ass here.
