I’ve just made a decision just now.
I do hope this is the best decision for my dear friend and me.
—————————————————————————————————– Goodbye My Lover
Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
‘Cause I saw the end before we’d begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what’s mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won’t stop there,
I am here for you if you’d only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I’ve kissed your lips and held your hand.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I’ve been addicted to you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I am a dreamer and when i wake,
You can’t break my spirit - it’s my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I’ve seen you cry, I’ve seen you smile.
I’ve watched you sleeping for a while.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We’ve had our doubts but now we’re fine,
And I love you, I swear that’s true.
I cannot live without you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I’m asleep.
And I will bare my soul in time,
When I’m kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
How much trust do you actually put on people next to you? What is trust? Why do we have to trust people? The more I trust one person, the more hurt I am. People always break the trust another person have on them. I don’t feel like trusting people anymore. Not even a single person. I now realise its better to be a pessimist than an optimist. I trust people with all my heart and yet they break the trust. Isn’t it better when I be a pessimist and think all things negatively because the fact is the real world is this ugly. There isn’t any shits like love, shits like fate, shits like trust, shits like friends, whatever shits that sound so nice but in fact, they doesn’t really exist.
There is no such thing as ‘If we are meant to be together, nothing will break us apart’. This are all bullshits, dogshits, elephantshits, fucking shits. I don’t think I will ever wanna put a trust on someone anymore. I don’t wanna trust him, I don’t wanna trust friends, I don’t wanna trust lecturers, I don’t wanna trust strangers, I don’t even wanna trust my family members. I wanna trust no one. Its the best not trusting people because in the end, you will not get hurt at all. Why wanna trust people and get hurt in the end? Where is the point?
I’m so fucking tired to trust everything people say, to be so fucking naive and think that the people in this world are actually nice people. There are no nice people, only selfish people. Human is the scariest thing ever. I will never put all my trust on anyone anymore. Its better to be alone because no one can hurt you. The thing one can trust is only money.
Its better to protect myself than to let someone else protect me.
They will turn around and walk away anytime.
Trust money, don’t trust human. Human betrays, money don’t.
Its better to hate than to get hurt.
We’ve this big farewell on Tuesday night at Ken Jee’s house for all of those who are going to Local University to further their studies. Seriously, I’m gonna miss you guys a lot. Half of our big gang is gone. :”( I’ll show the pictures before I go all emo over this.. And I’m sorry that my pictures are either blur or too dark.
Ee Cheeng, the future footballer Wilson, and me. Mr. Footballer, I know you wont be leaving UK so soon but I’ll just wish you luck here. :”)
The usual ‘couple’, Ee Cheeng and me.
Yoon Kian and me.
Ee Cheeng, me and Yee Wah. I don’t know why so coincidentally we all wear pink. :”)
Kok Hoe and me.
Ken Jee the gorilla and me. Our gap is always that big.. -.- And I’m holding my cup of liquor, very nice. :”)
Ee Cheeng and Ken Jee. Can you see the difference? Why oh why am I so short?
And then from that cup of liquor, my face is as red as baboon’s ass. 3 cups and I go tipsy, I’m lousy.
The Science2 girls.
Ee Cheeng and Kee Pok. He looks so funny and cute here, haha.
Kee Pok surrounded by girls.
Lee Kuan, me, and Ee Cheeng.
Woman, Ee Cheeng, and man. Jones always call me woman and I call him man. Weirdos.. Haha..
I didn’t get to take pictures with those who come a little late because I’m a little tipsy and I’ve got early class the next day so I need to get back home to sleep.
I wanna wish those who are going to Uni a very good luck and please do take extreme good care of yourself and don’t forget us who are in KL. Those times we have together during secondary is one of the best moment in my life. I’ll definitely miss all of you a lot. Please do come back once in a while and visit us.
Shining Friends, the song we use to sing together during secondary time. I feel so sad listening to this song. I really miss those times and I miss all of you a lot. I miss miss miss all of you.. :”( Byebye..
I’ll be going off for 3 days and 2 nights to a place I don’t wanna disclose.
I’m not going with family members, nor friends I usually hang out with.
I’m not sure how many people know where I’ll be…
Well, this is an opportunity for me to clear my mind a little and stay away from people.
Will be back on Sunday noon I guess.
Things always get so complicated, I wonder why.
Or is it me that is so complicated?
My life is messed up once again, how funny it is.
I’m starting to get very tired again.
If every night I go emo like this, I think I’ll die from the emo-ness.. -.-
Who am I to blame?
Me? You? Him? Her? Mr.God? My dog, perhaps?
I shall blame myself for my stupidity.
Good Night. Pray for me people, that I’ll be safe and sound.
It seems as though there is so much on my mind that I wish to say but words just couldn’t come out. As time passes each day, I feel lonelier and lonelier. I’ve been going out so much till late at night, sometimes till 3am, and even till 5am just to avoid being alone at home. I just dislike that feeling so much.
Every night when I reach home I go online, sitting in front of the computer, staring at the screen, feeling so lonely, and then I start to emo. Can I not have this kind of feeling cause it sucks so bad. All I can do is hang around till I’m dead tired and go back home and sleep straight away.
I am waiting for someone to come to my life, but I don’t know who he is. Please come faster because I really couldn’t stand the feeling of lonely any longer. I’m dependent or whatever shit but then this is me.
Its 29th of February, the date where we have every four years. It seems as though I’m in Form 4 yesterday. Time really flies, sigh. I don’t know what I am feeling right now neither do I know how to put it in words. Always, when I realise I’m no longer that girl in secondary school, it somehow makes me moody. Its not that I am getting old or what, its just that I enjoy myself at that time. Each day I find it more and more difficult to live happily. Sometimes I just find it so meaningless. Why am I even here? I am always moody when I am alone, especially night. I kinda hate the fact that I am always so moody and emo but I just cant help. Some of those friends are really getting more and more ……….. not weird, just out of mind. Why can’t things just go normal. Why things always have to be so difficult? Sigh, sometimes I really do feel tired.
You purposely do not want to reply my message last night, I know. I am very disappointed. What is the true reason behind all these? Is it your girlfriend or is it Shaun? Somehow I realize, in all these years, whenever these kind of shits happen, you never seem to stood by me. You are always the one who never listen to me. Now I know that you didn’t trust me at all. How stupid am I to think that you will always be a best friend of mine.
I know why you don’t trust me. Its because of that Jason case, you thought I like him and snatch him from you. Whatever I say, you will never believe me. I did not lie and I can swear to god I did not like Jason. I did not want both of you to break up. I feel very sorry to make you feel this way, I really do. I really have no intention to make you guys break up. I know you don’t trust me, but thats for real.
You told me you did not angry me, you told me its the pass but actually you did not forget about this, right? You always listen to others instead of me. You never give me a chance to tell you what actually happen. All you do is listen to others and not care about me. Why is all this always repeating? I know, Shaun is your friend. I understand why you will choose to trust him. I do admit its my wrong that causes this break up. I didn’t deny. But then again, in all these 3 years me and him together, do you know how much he has done to hurt me? You don’t know what he did to me, because I don’t want to let you know. I don’t want to let people around him or me know what he did that hurt me so much. I don’t want you people to see him as a bad boyfriend. Most of the stuff he do, you do not know. However, whatever shits I did, I guess he will tell you.
For this time, I don’t know what he tell you, but I’m sure it will never be a good thing. Both of you is some what the same. You never ever try to stand in my shoe and try for that little while to see how hurt I am deep inside. Both of you, the people I trust most, somewhat attack me at the same time. I guess I am too blind to see that both of you doesn’t worth my tears at all. A girl that I cry for the most and a guy that I cry for the most. Today, I lost two of my bestfriends. I don’t think I can ever trust both of you anymore. Its a heartbreak. I wish I were never a friend of yours, so I will not met him and will not be so hurt today.
Once again, I learn that no one can be trusted. I once learn this but somehow I forgotten. Today, both of you reminds me again and I will not trust both of you. Not anymore.
p/s: I decide to open this up. Before I put it as a password protected because I care, but now I know I don’t have to, so I will open this up.
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