Here I am blogging from office because I just feel like I need to let it out plus I’ve got nothing much on hand right now.
Better not take me wrong, I’m not abandoning my work for this.

I miss taking the apartment’s lift, walking out to the street.
I miss crossing that street right in front of the apartment to Coles.
I miss grocery shopping at Coles.
I miss taking the train at Southern Cross.
I miss waiting for the tram.
I miss deciding whether I should buy the tram ticket while my boyf stares at me.
I miss walking in the cold. So cold I’m freeze to death.
I miss preparing breakfast while the boyf is soundly asleep.
I miss preparing dinner alone at home while the boyf is at the gym.
I miss preparing dinner while the boyf do his work.
I miss baking the frozen pizza for our supper.
I miss showering in that toilet.
I miss vacuuming the house.
I miss laying on the cheapest sofa bed we got from Ikea.
I miss locking the boyf while he’s at the balcony taking a puff.
I miss playing Lami with my friends while the guys plays Dota.
I miss playing pool at QV.
I miss QV’s mamak.
I miss drinking a hot cup of coffee in the cold.
I miss the autumn leaves.
I miss David Jones.
I miss the shops.
I miss Tien Ren.
I miss Lin Contro.
I miss San Churro.
I miss going to clubbing on Friday nights.
I miss seeing Dennis get drunk.
I miss Sam’s place.
I miss the egg benedicts and whatever it is.
I miss walking to Crown with the boyf.
I just really miss walking in Melbourne.
I even actually miss that brief moment staying in QV’s 3107.
I miss the room with a magnificent view.

Today or right now is just one of the days where I wish I could turn back time.
Those 3 months of memories, I wouldn’t trade with anything.
I just don’t know why I get really emotional thinking about it today.

no one but situation.
i just couldn’t stop my tears from flowing after watching the video footage on how our mother nature decides to sweep japan just like that.
how these people just lost their life like that without any warning, not a single way to escape.
how devastated will others be to find out their loved ones perished.
lost their homes. and everything else.
i feel truly sorry and upset though i never really like japan because of what they did to the innocent people during war but i don’t think any human being deserve any of these disaster.
everyone is praying for japan and the world, but how much of praying can really stop the tsunami?
no one can tell.

and i don’t know what i can do to help. i can only sit in my comfort zone and watch those heart wrenching videos.
it hurts to know how people in japan are struggling now and how i am sitting in my home so comfortably.
i cant help but to ponder will 2012 ever come true. it scares me so much, i cried like a freak.
it just hurts so bad to think of it, everyone in the world will be dead, every corner of the world will be left with nothing but dusts and dead bodies.
my family and my friends will all be gone and dead, including myself.
i don’t know what to do.

i don’t wanna demand for anything right now. i’m glad with what i have. i just want my family and friends to be safe and sound and also everyone else in the world to be safe and sound.
stop the wars and thefts and rapes and everything else that we human being ourselves can control.
natural disaster is bad enough for us, we really do not need this.

what can we all do for the world?
tell me if praying helps.
i hope those who perished will rest in peace and everyone else who are affected will stay strong.
please stay strong.

*
i should be happy today as another week just passed but i’m not at all. i feel so affected by this.
and i also cried thinking that i’m leaving mom and home for so long. i already miss her and home and brother.
cannot imagine myself going abroad for studies.
at times like this i realise, nothing beats my family and how much i love them.

Mom went to Bangkok these few days, I’m left all alone at home.
No lunch, no dinner. That’s when I realise how much I actually miss mom’s cooking.
Haven’t been eating a lot at home lately, always having outside food with Ben and now that I’m home, there’s no food for me. Been preparing my own lunch and dinner and that’s also when I realise how hard it is for mom to prepare meals at home everyday.
Sigh, I wish I could just give her a hug but that’s just not our home culture. Don’t know why I can never bring myself to do it. Maybe I can if she’s a little tipsy, things seems easier.

Guess I’m gonna miss her tons when I’m away from home for so long. To think of it, it’s the first time in my entire life.
Gonna be so home sick ):
I’m not a person who likes to stay away from home, not one who would love to stay in another country without my family members.
Bet my mom didn’t know it, I love home more than anything. The place I’ve been staying for 20 years.
Yes, 20 years.

No idea what’s this all about. Just miss mom and I realise how much older she is now.
She don't show it but I know she's happy every time I surprise her on her birthday.
But this year I'm not gonna be here on her birthday and Mother's day. ):

I know she wont read this but it doesn’t matter.
Thanks for everything mi, and I love you.

some friend that never bother.
perhaps only bother making own judgement.
it just hurt in a way to know that your friend never truly bothers how you feel deep down.

hurt plus disappointment with a little bit of anger.
maybe. just maybe i don’t need a friend like you in my life when i’m so insignificant in yours.
it still hurt as much and i’m not sure when it will stop hurting.
but i don’t live to please you.

i tried, chance were not quite given.
or it feels like it.
no, not over sensitive. i just know it.
tell me i’m wrong.

if you will.
but then again, i guess i’ll never see you the same anymore.

can’t quite describe how this song makes me feel.
emotional is not even the right word.
this is such a good song and i’m in love with the singer’s voice, so very soothing.

I was feeling sad
Can’t help looking back
Highways flew by
Run, run, run away
No sense of time
Want you to stay
Want keep you inside

Run, run, run away
Lost, lost, lost my mind
Want you to stay
Want you to be my prize

All along, not so strong without these open arms.
Hold on tight.
All along, not that strong without these open arms.
Lie beside.
All along, not so strong without these open arms.
Ride beside.

i’ll definitely miss you.
from far…

想不起　被愛是如何溫暖
想不通　未夠資格使你心軟
但也知道心會這麼酸

理所當然我的錯　令你忽然離開
半路留下我
為何這麼快看清楚　落得這結果＊

知我是個　無法討好的人
相戀一刻　只是我的僥倖
然而回頭　誠實去自問
我可討厭到　如此乞你憎

知我連眼淚　也絕不感人
只知怎麼考驗　你的操行
從前為何　纏在你附近

你不寂寞　便嫌我笨
難道我未夠好　未懂得熱吻
足夠令你憐憫　勾不起你的興奮

不擔心　自尊心這麼受損
只擔心　我將我看穿
我怕我　以後太習慣了失戀

更加速發覺　原本都不相襯
我未夠吸引　你未夠狠

到底這個故事　有沒有發生
何必受罪　心即使碎一碎
我仍能　繼續追
願那一刻共聚　懂得怎去相愛
愛人難　我肯學　定能愛下去

this ain’t the first time.
why are you always telling stuff that you shouldn’t tell?
worse still, always to the wrong people.

was your intention to make fun of me?
if yes, congrats then. you succeed.
i feel humiliated.

for all that you’ve done, there’s only one thing i could feel.
you hate me.
you probably like it a lot if i get upset because of you.
you’ve been trying to upset me non stop.

if you really hate me that much, just leave.
that’s the only thing i can say.

第一次你陪我坐著
我的手心是空空的
我知道那些簡訊聲你努力藏著
還怕我難過

不追問到底為什么
是我最后的溫柔
想笑著附和說分開是好的
但我們卻怎么 一起哭了

我舍不得
可是時間回不去了
愛你很值得 只是該停了
沒有我你要好好的

我舍不得
最后一次抱緊你了
我們錯過的 錯了就錯了
不用擔心我 我不愛你了

不追問到底為什么
是我最后的溫柔
想笑著附和說分開是好的
但我們卻怎么 一起哭了

我舍不得
可是時間回不去了
愛你很值得 只是該停了
沒有我你要好好的

我舍不得
最后一次抱緊你了
我們錯過的 錯了就錯了
不用擔心我 我不愛你了

至少你記憶里的我 是微笑的
親愛的 有你牽著我的那些日子
真的好快樂

我舍不得
可是時間回不去了
愛你很值得 只是該停了
沒有我你要好好的

我舍不得
最后一次抱緊你了
我們錯過的 錯了就錯了
不用擔心我 我走了

这首歌让我的眼泪掉下了来.
我不想变得像这首歌说的那样.
我舍不得.

i feel so vulnerable these days.
it’s always like that when i took my shield off.
people these days are so fuck up, they try their best to make you unhappy.
it’s like a joke to them or something.

by the way, i have phobia doing my assignment now.
i need to hand in my assignment to the same lecturer who fail me couple of semesters ago.
he fail my assignment, and now i’m afraid.
sigh, i feel so stone right now.

please will someone bring me to a place where there’s full of nice music so i can stop thinking for a couple of hours.
back to assignment now. bye

i laugh at my own stupidity as my tears roll down.
how fucking pathetic.

how fucking stupid i am.
anger. hurt. sad. regret. fuck up.

thank you.
thank you very much.

please. don’t even bother about this post.