How do you spend your Christmas eve?
How do I spend my Christmas eve?

I went over to Starbucks. Alone.
Ordered a hot Caramel Macchiato, sit down, and looked around. My eyes are searching for something, I am searching for something. I try to look around and see if there is anyone alone too, just so that if there is any, I know that I’m not the only one being alone which somehow makes me a little more calm.
But none. No one is alone except me. How pathetic.

I brought over two books. One for me to write and another for me to read. I scribble every thoughts down and when I’m done, I shift to the other book and start reading. This is how I spend my Christmas eve.
I just sit there alone, seeing people come and go.

Well, there are a lot of things I wanna say at first but on second thought, it is not needed. I try to pass the message, but I guess I fail miserably again. Its been quite a number of times already, I keep failing. All my messages seems to vanish somehow. Did you get me? Did you get my god damn message? I’m not talking about sms, in case you misunderstood. Do I need to fucking (sorry) draw the person together with the intestine? (Its somekind of Chinese idiom.)
Stupid shit, just let me use the word fuck.

Do you know what fucking day is today?
Why when I’m on the verge of recovering, there is always things like this that will pull me down again?

I went home really late just now. Somehow when I am walking back home, I wish that I die all of a sudden. Freak, I know.
Don’t bring me back to the stage where I keep thinking of dying, can?
You know I am like that. You know I am fucking emo, to the extend where I get so fucking annoyed at my own emo-ness I feel like slapping myself, damn it. Fucking sucks to be me, anyone wanna trade?

I wont be emo for 24/7 but when I am emo, my thinking can go fucking extreme. Please god, when can you stop doing this to me? I don’t wanna blame but I just want that tiny weeny bit of happiness, I just wanna borrow that few hours, or maybe even one hour will do, why cant I have it? If its so hard for me to have that tiny happiness, you might as well take away my bloody life.

I feel so fucking unwell now, all I want is to go to bed.
Sometimes, somethings when you don’t do it now, you can never do it later. Somethings are already too late. Too late, really.
(But then again, I’m a weak person. Most of the time when I have firm thinking, I always cant do what I say. I don’t wanna care, fuck I still care. I don’t wanna talk, fuck I still talk. Wheres my determination?
Heck care. Whats on my mind right now is that everything is too late now.

I don’t wanna pass any message anymore. You cannot decode it, no point.
Sigh, never mind I’ll just take it as my problem, maybe I’m fucking bad at encoding.
Whether its your problem or mine, I’m tired. I need a break.

Merry Christmas people. Merry Christmas.
Its 3.18 am now, I’m off to bed.

P/S: I really struggle for a while thinking if I should say it all here. Some things are better left unsaid, but is this one of those? Do I make the right decision this time? I tried, I fail. I try again, I fail again. I don’t know, but I’m really tired.

Oh ya, since Christmas sucks, I bet my Chinese New Year and Valentines Day will sucks max too. Hooray.

Woo, last night was super fun, one of the best one. :’D
I seriously enjoyed myself. :’D
But we leave quite early because of some funny miscommunication. The guys thought we wanna leave, we thought the guys wanna leave. lol

* Before leaving my house.

Didn’t really took a lot of pictures because I don’t quite like the flash especially when my face is damn effing red. So I’ll just post some camwhore pictures, and moreover the friend I’m going with do not wish to be disclose at my blog. If I were to post those pictures, I have to cut Shoey out. In that case, I might as well don’t put up any. Yah, the name is Shoey. Funny name, I know.

I’m a good girl last night, I didn’t really drink much. Don’t really feel like drinking that much, I start to dislike that drunk feeling because it just seems so suffering.

* You see that pink wall? My room. :’D

Reached home around 4 something and talked on the phone with Shoey until 6 morning. :’D
Haha, I slept at 6. I don’t know if its late or early anymore.

* Me talking to Shoey on the phone. (Buffet buffet, banyak syok itu semua makanan. Aeroplane meal is cool, lol. )

I think its quite fun being a single now. Shoey said to me, ‘I also don’t know why you wanna get attached so much, being single is so much fun. Eat all you can eat. :’D’ Hahaha..
Yes, being single is really quite fun. :’D

No idea whats up with my eyes lately, I feel so irritated. It gets red so easily and now my left eye is swollen. : (
I’m using ice to put on my left eye to reduce the swell, not sure if it works though. Sad.

P/S: Sigh, why you don’t reply me? Sigh……………

Phew, finally I’m done with my OT. Well, actually it is not that bad after all, just that the long hours is really boring and I cant get enough of sleep.
But luckily I’ve got a fun colleague to work with, he helps to kill my boredom.

* Just get the tag 3 days ago. Why so serious till we have to wear tag? -.-

* Its raining everyday. Afternoon, evening, and night, it just keeps on raining. When it starts raining at the end of the year, it means ‘Tong Yuen’ day is near. :’D

* My colleague’s leg and my feet. Haha.. Since its raining, we went out and take a short break.

* Saw someone walking pass by us holding an ice-cream on the second day, couldn’t help so both of us go get one each. Haha.. Its Magnum’s Top Ten.

* Since yesterday I ate Magnum, so today I choose Cornetto Strawberry flavour. Eh, I didn’t like it very much though.

My colleague is really funny. This guy here got short term memory loss. When we choose which ice-cream to eat today, he said he want Magnum’s Top Ten.
Then I said, ‘Har?? Yesterday eat already wor, today you want this again?’.
And he answered me, ‘Har?? Yameh? Yesterday we eat this one meh?’
Omg, I laugh like mad. And he can even forget what colour uniform I wear yesterday. A real short term memory loss, but he keeps denying it. Hahaha..

Ah, just get a call from supervisor, have to work at Taman Maluri for the next few days. Sigh, when will I get my off day? Lucky I’m working late shift, I wanna sleep more. I don’t mind working till 1am but I mind waking up at 8am. Late shift is cool. :’D

My brain will auto shut down anytime soon. I have to go to bed now.
Yes, I can sleep as much as I want now. :’D Whee..

…I get blur especially with those trains. Like really super blur.
I always have to asked people which way should I go because I see a lot of stairs and I get confuse. The right side or the left side? I don’t know.

And then there is 2 trains, one to Ampang and another one to Sri Petaling. Which one should I board? I don’t know either. Just today I took LRT from PWTC to Hang Tuah and I don’t know which one to take. I saw a girl standing there and I asked her whether this Ampang train will take me to Hang Tuah and she tell me no. And then I go and double check and that Ampang train actually can bring me to Hang Tuah. Shit, I have to wait for another one.

I really am very bad at all this. There is this one time when I was in the train, I was thinking and thinking, a lot of things is going on in my mind and at last I miss the station I should get off. I panic. Such stupid things always happen to me. Sigh..

Last time, someone used to take LRT with me and I don’t have to worry at all. I just follow and follow. But now, I have to go all by myself. After taking so many times, I still have to ask people. But I will learn, I will learn to be independent.

Oh, and there is this one thing I realize from taking buses. Most of the Malaysians will not give seats to elderly and those people who always give seats to elderly are Africans. I’ve saw this quite a couple of times already. I feel so a shame. Malaysians not giving seats to Malaysians and Africans giving seats to Malaysians. Sigh, selfish. Most of the time I just stand. But there is one thing good about taking Rapid Kl is that I get to watch Bernard. Hahaha, super funny cartoon. I always laugh in the bus when I get to watch it, I think people think that I’m crazy. Haha..

* Just a random picture of my little cousin and me. Getting bigger and bigger each day, haha. I’ll try to capture a video next time, he is super cute. And er, I look a lot like a kid here. I seriously need to grow back my hair. lol

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Short Note: Someone is so clever, asking hugs and kisses for his birthday present. Not a bad idea after all, I can save my money. Haha.. Wait till I see you first, k?

Oh, its my off day today and also tomorrow.
I’m not sure if I’m excited about it because I’ve really got nothing to do at home. Its better for me to go to work, haha.

Anyway, last night me and my darlings went over to Mid Valley again. Jasper wanna buy shoes and me, wanna go get my crystals. Yes, crystal. I feel like getting so many of them after I got my rose quartz. The shop assistant told me that once I buy crystal, I will feel like getting more. Very true. I’ve got four now, but nonetheless my favorite one is still my rose quartz. :’D

Didn’t really get to shop around because we arrive quite late, all thanks to the stupid jam.
Went over to Nike because J wanna see his shoe, and then went over to Lilian Too Feng Shui to get my crystal, and then went over to cinema to buy our tickets, and then Carl’s Junior to eat our burger. Haha.. Yes, we watch movie again and this time is Twilight. The movie is Ok, nothing great about it but not too bad either.

* Carl’s Junior’s delicious french fries.

* J holding his Portobello Mushroom Burger. Yummy..

* Pass by Kiehl’s store and saw Mr.Bone. Me, Mr.Bone, and Jasper.

* Me, Mr.Bone, and Dexter. Haha, Dexter look so stun. :’D

* 2 posers, especially that J. Hahaha..

* J piggybacking Dexter. We keep playing piggyback the whole night. It was so much fun, haha.. :’D

* Silly J wants to prove that he can stuff himself into that car and sit beside Mr. Worm.

* Me and trying-to-act-cute J. : )

* The three of us. Hee, I like this picture. :’D

Thank you darlings for the night. I have a great night, especially the part where I keep torturing Jasper with all the hitting and pinching. Hahaha.. Fun :’D

P/S: I swear I’m gonna grow my hair this time.

Went over to MidValley to watch Bolt 3D with Dexter and Jasper just now and wow, I must say that 3D is indeed very nice. :’D
I’m from village, this is the first time me watching 3D in cinema. Haha..

* The hamster and pigeons are super cute and funny. I just cant stop laughing. Hahaha.. :’D

* See, my hair is really short. Right, right, right? I’ll just grow it again, haha. I went to facial this evening and after facial my hair go cuckoo because aiyah, the beautician wrap my hair in a towel. Eeyer, sucks when my hair go haywire and since it decide to die on me tonight, I’ll just post both of their pictures and not mine.

* My darlings. Sounds so gay, hahaha..

I really enjoy the movie just now. Really really nice and funny. People, go watch the 3D although its a little bit more expensive than the usual one, but it is totally worth it.
Hmm, sometimes 3 person outing can be fun. I actually prefer 3 person than a whole bunch, just like last time, the 3 of us going everywhere together.

Oh, the good old times. :’D