And sometimes in life, your not-so-common-dream will be laugh at.
Sometimes, no one in the world believe in your dream. Nobody believe in your plan.
But does it matter? Maybe not as long as you believe in yours.

Why lead an ordinary life when we’re all gonna die at the end anyway. When no one escapes death.
I truly admire those who dare to dream, those who not only dream but dare to do things in a different way, who dare to take the road less/not taken, who dare to make things happen.
I admire their bravery, their guts. How they do not give a care in the world and do what they like, what they wish, and what makes them happy.

Let others be a step in front of you, or few steps if they may in terms of position or the money they get to earn.
I believe that as long as we’re all alive, chances will always be there for us to catch up and be a few steps ahead in return if you wish. Nothing is permanent.
But again does being in whatever position matters that much?
Might not be much to me.
I do not mind being slow. I do not mind earning a little less.
Because all that I want is to do what I like, feed my inner soul and be happy.

I do not in a million years want to regret on what I did not do and years down the road all that I can ask myself is ‘what ifs’.
I do not want ‘what ifs’ in my life.
There are indeed a few things which I regretted for not doing in life and it pulls me down because I know that I can never turn back time.

There’s a whole lot of rational thinkers out there but I’m sure I’m not one of them.
I’m just force to be one because of the voices around me, which I hate.
I am irrational. I am a dreamer. And I’ll continue being a person like such until one fine day where I get to prove to myself that I am right for trusting no one but me.

For I know that some of the greatest, most successful or happiest person who ever live on earth are irrational thinkers.

For people who laughed at me for going to Melbourne for 3 months; I learned how to cook, I learned how to take care of a house, I learned about Melbourne and their culture, I experienced something different, I experienced Autumn, and so much more.
And most importantly, I am happy, I feel contented, and it open up my vision.

In that 3 months, what have you learned and experienced?

Anyone can crash my dream in their mind, but no one can crash my dream in my mind.
I want to take the road less taken and I want to promise myself that I will.

Us?
Yes, my blog and I. (:

I’m 23 (not liking the number) and my blog is 5.
My blog grows with me, it is to me a mini story book of my own.
A little something for me to ‘flip’ through when I feel like reminiscing.

Right now, right here I would love to express my gratitude to people I know, to people who left a mark in my life be it tiny or a big mark; for all the good and the bad, for all the love and the hate.
For all that I learned how to appreciate everything a little more.

The long-ass-post below is not by me, obviously.
It’s written by my bff, her first blog post and I can tell that she’s having fun writing the essay HAHA! :p
Thank you bff for praising me when I’m not even half as good haha!
Thank you bff for the wish and thank you bff for everything!
We will one day, get to celebrate each other’s birthday again. Worry not (:

Birthday post coming up soon, I hope.
Till then.

I’ve knew her for long, well I would say it’s long enough for me and her to get this strong bond. As we grow older (fml I think we are getting older aren’t we?) I realize it’s just so hard to get a friend like that. It’s never easy. I remember clearly some words from a very good friend of both of us. She said “friends are forever”. I never quite thought about it until I heard it from her, and like I said earlier, as days go by, people come and go, those who actually made the effort to stay, is rare. We can always understand each other easily, even people around us who is actually listening to our conversation don’t really know what we actually on about, we sort of like having a secret language or code, that can only understand by me and her. And I’m loving it. (:

Think properly, it’s actually harder to maintain a friendship than a relationship. Well, at least to me it is. Friendship doesn’t involve commitment, it’s based purely on trust. You are not obliged to update what’s happening around you lately, you are not obliged to keep in touch with them, you do it on your own, your own will. What more when I’m not even around her? I’m in this land, far away from home, it’s even harder with the huge time difference that we got. But nevertheless, we still make it through and here I am, writing my very first blog post. (:

In this month of November, which is kinda special to me. Probably is me that having too much time in my hand, makes me think even more. This is our favorite month I must say, and the reason for it is clear. *evil grins*
But ironically, we only celebrated each other’s birthday for once. Ya, you got me right, it’s only once in these 7 freaking years. I think we got some curse for it or something. )): is there anyone out there that can break the curse for us? D:

For me leaving my beloved country to live and study overseas it’s a really good experience I must say. It tells me a theory that I’ve already knew “幸福不是必然” I knew it, but I never actually felt the meaning of it, not until I leave Malaysia. Friend like this never easy to find and I must say that I’m very very very lucky to have one. Families that are always with me is precious.They are my everything. They are there no matter what I’ve done, how rebellious I was, they are there to forgive me, encourage me, giving me support and what not. They are everything that I needed.

Relationship, going overseas is killing, LDR is never fun, you don’t feel like you’re actually in a relationship when you are having a LDR. Everything feels so unreal, all you do is, video calling as if he’s beside you when you needed him. But it’s never the same, you wouldn’t get cuddle, you wouldn’t get kisses like you normally do. Everything is just so surreal. But I guess that I’m blessed, he didn’t love me any lesser, he still loves me like I never left before. Sometimes I wonder, what have I done in my past life to deserve such a perfect guy like him? I think it’s miracle (:

I think I’m pretty blessed. Good friends, good families and a good relationship. What can I ask more? How can one not blessed when you have a friend like Peggy Chow, that will share all my ups and down. She never went away when I was down, she’s always there when I needed her, she’s always here to share all my happiness and the downside in my life. She’s the one who will cheer me up when I’m not, giving me advice when I’m confused, opening me up when I’m overly stubborn. I’m blessed to have her.

But here again, another year that I couldn’t sing happy birthday song to my bff. The thought itself makes me sad already. )): but nevertheless, I know that she will still have a great one with her love one around her, and this makes me feel better and happy for her, truly from the bottom of my heart. (:

Okay, I think I’m writing a really really long essay here. I guess I should stop rambling in case you guys got too bored and blame Peggy Chow for this ><

And lastly, happy birthday Peg, may you have a great one. (:

Lots of love. xx
Sincerely,
Your partner in crime

Time heals everything, very true indeed.
But exactly how much time do we need, none can answer that question.

I finally have the chance to meet this friend of mine two days ago while clubbing, after more than a year.
I’m not sure if we’re still consider as friends because we don’t seem like we are one.
We had a conflict last year, we hated each other’s attitude.
I was beyond upset because I sincerely treated him as a good friend.
It’s so bad we’re not even friends on Facebook anymore.

Bumping into him again that day feels awkward.
I always come across situations like this. Bumping into the wrong people. I hate ignoring people who are once my friend but every time I tried to squeeze that word ‘Hi’ through my throat, it doesn’t seem to come out.
Every single time.
I dare not look at him for fear that I might not be able to squeeze the word ‘Hi’ again.
But he’s just right beside me! He looked at me, we shook our hands and talk a little. Finally.

I was happy despite how ugly it was long ago.
Things that matter then do not matter to me now.
In fact I’ve already forgotten about the incident and move on.
In fact sometimes I miss him (as a friend) because we use to spent so much time together, hanging out.
In fact we use to be damn good friends.

And it was a relieve, really.
At least things weren’t that bad. At least we talk.
My other friend who stand right opposite of us keeps repeating the word, ‘So fake..’
I’m not sure if he’s being fake but I know I’m not.
I just need some time to shake that awkwardness away and be comfortable all over again.

To me, time heals everything.
But to others, I’m not so sure.
If you’re still mad or unsatisfied about something, it is just because you do still care.
If you don’t care, why are you mad in the first place? Right?

Even this girl who used to hate me damn lot added me in social networking sites recently.
Even me and my ex started talking and I stop hating him.
I don’t really care bout what he did or did not do anymore because it’s no longer my concern which is also why we can be normal friends and talk.

All these stupid things that happen, again and again is about misunderstanding.
Everybody has got it’s own version of stories but stories don’t consist of just one people.
If you get what I mean.

Me talking to that particular friend and my ex is the best to prove to myself that time indeed can heal everything.
Or at least for me.

Funny thing about hatred is that the hate you have for that particular person do not really inflict pain on them, but instead on yourself.
The greater the hate, the greater the suffering you’re gonna get.

I must say I’m definitely not a person with a high EQ and for me to let go off the hatred is indeed quite a difficult task for me.
I tried letting things go for a couple of times but sometimes I fail because I get extremely agitated and upset when people try to provoke me.
Especially when I found out that people do me wrong. Somewhere in between I couldn’t control my feelings and actions and I tend to spit out the meanest words possible.
After a while I told myself to calm the f* down and let things go.
And then I tried again. And again. And again.

When I finally get to do it, I realise that I have less ‘burden’ with me. I feel so much lighter and happier. I lost the negative energy and exchange it with positive ones.
Now, I stop hating people who wronged me. All the betrayals, lies, and those who framed me up. I truly feel much better that way.

Hating, is really such a waste of time and a waste of your own energy.
What’s done is done, it’s the past, especially if the hatred comes from a previous relationship.
Why hate when you’re so much closer with the one you’re meant to be with or better still when you’re already with him/her.
Pretty pointless to be angry over the past for so long. Let go off the grudges.
A lot of times, two individuals hate each other due to misunderstanding because in a way or another, there will never be an open heart conversation and trust.
But if one tries to tweak his/her perception a little bit and try not to hate, sometimes it does work.

And all this, is one of the best thing I learned from the worst experience.
It is always better to have friends than enemies. (:

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. – Quote from Bhuddha

*
And as you can tell from my previous post, which is a password protected post that I’m pretty mad about something. I was days ago, but now no longer. (:

But that’s what I believe in.
Only situations can change a person.
Situations, experiences. And most of the time, it’s a bad one that changes them.

No matter how hard people dear to you try to give advise on how some things will do you no good, you just wouldn’t listen. It’s just human being being a human being.
We just don’t listen until it’s too late.

Like how I wouldn’t listen to my bff on certain things until she proves herself right which is already too late for me by then.
She must’ve been mad because it is pretty damn annoying when you care about someone, wanting the best for them but they just wouldn’t care.
That’s how i learnt my lesson and changed.
And I remember someone once said to me, ‘you don’t have to nag and act that way. If I don’t wanna listen, let me learn myself’.
Well said.

You just cant forced people to listen to you if they’re not willing to.
Maybe all is needed is for the worst to happen and then you can stand upfront and say, ‘I fucking told you so but sorry it’s too late.’

#justsaying

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I recall few years back how I’m that annoying girl friend who nags everytime any of my friend smoke infront of me.
How it will destroy one’s health. Not to mention the smoker itself, but the people surrounding who inhale second hand smoke (example me).
Nag and nag. Asking why do they like to smoke so much and no matter what reason they throw at me, to me it’s just a pretty damn lame excuses.
I even picked ‘how smoking kills’ for my public speaking class.
I was very determine. For what? I don’t know.

Until the point where more and more of my friends picked up the smoking habit, more and more friends I met smokes.
Then I realize there isnt any point in nagging and I start to really get use to smokers around me without myself even realizing it.

I eventually stopped all my nagging. It stopped being an issue.
Even guys I like are actually smokers. Nothing wrong with that, I thought to myself. I even said I don’t mind them smoking, in fact I really didn’t mine. Couldn’t care less.

Even me myself was once tempted by that cancer stick.
Times when I was down, emotionally down. Those once what seem like a bloody lame excuse suddenly make sense.
It destress you a little, it clears your mind a little when it is congested with what seem like rubbish.
Which is why I hate people offering me that stick that seems like a magic wand, being able to clear my clog mind.
I’m afraid one day I no longer have the will to say no to whoever that offers it to me.
Haven’t try taking a puff yet, not even as a social smoker for I know that I won’t be a social smoker only.

And then this smoking thing starts coming back, becoming an issue all over again when I find out that it’s really hard to see people you love smoking that cancer stick and not nagging.
When you love someone be it friends or whoever, you really wouldn’t want anything bad to happen on them.
Finally it all make sense again, you see them taking puff after puff and all you could ever think of at that very moment is how bad that bloody stick is destroying their health.
And well, it just hurts a little and a little bit more.

To people I love, friends and family I love; smoke less.
Smoke less will be the only annoying words from me to smokers.

Smoke less, smoke less, smoke less x 1000000000 times (super annoying me).

All my life I’ve been staying under the same roof with my family and only my family. By family I mean my mom and my brother. And dad which is half of my life.
I’ve never stayed with uncle or grandma or anyone else for that matter.
It’s like all my life I stay with my mom and brother, I’m extremely comfortable and too used to their way of living and habits and all.

And then I’ve to move away from my very own comfort zone, home and country to a place I’m not at all familiar with.
I’m living under the same roof with this someone whom I’ve known for barely half a year.
Sounds silly?
We kind of click at the very very beginning of the relationship (and by that I don’t mean we don’t click now), the spark and all but truth to be told we barely know each other.
Is it easy to live with a person whom you’re not close with (if were to compare it with family)?

Different human being, different habit, different up bringing, basically everything different.
I love watching gossip girl while he love watching his stephen chow.
He prefers eating out while I prefer eating in.
Sometimes I’m more messy than he is.
He keeps playing his stupid fifa while me, cant stand the dirt will vacuum the house and what not.
I find it cold when he finds it hot.
You know, it’s just this and that.

It’s not easy living with a person whom you’ve not live with all your life.
And you just can never help it, there will definitely be arguments.
Arguing about some stupid shits around the house, how he hates it when I’m like this or vice versa.
But is it REALLY that hard? Nope.
Maybe it’s just the first month or maybe not, I’m not sure.
The key is of course, to compromise.
Do I compromise a lot? I cant tell, I’m not sure of myself.
It could be that I thought I compromise a lot when in fact I didn’t, or the other way round.
Did he compromise, yes he did.
He sometimes really make things hard for me but also because of how he compromise, it make things easier.

I don’t know, I just hope it wont get harder than this. For now, it’s good.
Good enough for me, but for him I’m not too sure.
Anyway, I think it’s time for me to post some pictures that have been pending for so long.
Here goes..

* one sunny day. (damn long ago, my first week here)

* australia’s tram.

* they have tons of people performing by the street, all sorts of performance. i like this one (:

* some mango ice-cream dessert thingy at passion flower. looks so nice and inviting but taste like crap. *puik*

* boys love this, that too taste like crap to me.

* blur ass picture from clubbing. more clubbing pictures soon, my camera is not with for at this moment.

* super moon that doesn’t look super at our side of the world.

* ponytail island (:

* not an island, but a place for people to grab a glass of beer and just chill under the Yarra river bridge.

* my latte and his beer.

* happy ben, he likes this place.

* yours truly. quite windy as you can tell.

there’s a whole lot more of pictures but i’ll call it a day for now.
will update again very soon (:
hope you have a great weekend.

no one but situation.
i just couldn’t stop my tears from flowing after watching the video footage on how our mother nature decides to sweep japan just like that.
how these people just lost their life like that without any warning, not a single way to escape.
how devastated will others be to find out their loved ones perished.
lost their homes. and everything else.
i feel truly sorry and upset though i never really like japan because of what they did to the innocent people during war but i don’t think any human being deserve any of these disaster.
everyone is praying for japan and the world, but how much of praying can really stop the tsunami?
no one can tell.

and i don’t know what i can do to help. i can only sit in my comfort zone and watch those heart wrenching videos.
it hurts to know how people in japan are struggling now and how i am sitting in my home so comfortably.
i cant help but to ponder will 2012 ever come true. it scares me so much, i cried like a freak.
it just hurts so bad to think of it, everyone in the world will be dead, every corner of the world will be left with nothing but dusts and dead bodies.
my family and my friends will all be gone and dead, including myself.
i don’t know what to do.

i don’t wanna demand for anything right now. i’m glad with what i have. i just want my family and friends to be safe and sound and also everyone else in the world to be safe and sound.
stop the wars and thefts and rapes and everything else that we human being ourselves can control.
natural disaster is bad enough for us, we really do not need this.

what can we all do for the world?
tell me if praying helps.
i hope those who perished will rest in peace and everyone else who are affected will stay strong.
please stay strong.

*
i should be happy today as another week just passed but i’m not at all. i feel so affected by this.
and i also cried thinking that i’m leaving mom and home for so long. i already miss her and home and brother.
cannot imagine myself going abroad for studies.
at times like this i realise, nothing beats my family and how much i love them.