It is so hard for me to express my feeling. Am I too demanding or is he giving me too little. All I ever want is only love and care from him. I’ve always been dreaming for a perfect guy, or is there no such thing as a perfect guy? Since small, to me Love is an important thing. My other half will be the most important person in my life (since dad is gone). Maybe one of the reasons is that dad is not here anymore to take care of me and mom don’t care about me either. No one will ever love and take care of me, other than my other half, or at least I think so. I used to watch fairy tales when I was a little girl and watch love movies when I grew older, and I even read love stories. You can see, love is a big part in my life. I don’t think I can live without it, really.
Perhaps all these years of love stories and fairy tales turn me into who I am today.
I want my guy to make me feel happy, make me feel special, make me the one he love most, and make me feel the romance in the relationship. However, he fail to do so.
So I thought, maybe I’m too naive and there is no such guy in this world.
But boy I was so wrong, I did saw some really nice guy who treat their girlfriend so well and I really envy them a lot. The word, ‘I don’t know how’ is how he escape from all these which he might think it is useless to do.
I stick to him, I cling to him, maybe thats why he don’t appreciate me. But when I don’t care about him so that he will appreciate me more, he might not like it because I am not a good girlfriend anymore. He is leaving very soon but I don’t see that he really wanna spent time with me. I don’t see that he will miss me, I don’t see that he loves me so much that he is sad to leave me, I don’t see that he will worry about me when I’m here alone without me, I see nothing.
Maybe he will find a girl there, a girl who is so sweet, so cute, with no temper and do and listen everything he says. I’m not sure, most guys are like that.
Even if I don’t show temper and listen to what he says and act like a dumb girl, I still don’t think the way he treat me will every change.
Its been 3 years and all this while I
wish demand for surprises. Things get so worse till I have to demand for it, and even when I do, there is no surprises. Maybe 3 surprises in 3 years.
I sound so damn cheap to demand for surprises. I don’t think I need it anymore, since it don’t come from his heart anyway. I know I might sound clingy and demanding to some of you, but which girl who doesn’t want true love from their partner?
Yah, whatever fuck. You are leaving and you always don’t care.
And as always, saying that I don’t wanna care for you anymore in my heart but still I do.
Am I too stupid to love you are what.
It hurts so much sometimes that I feel like dying.