been working a lot these two weeks and I’ve got no time for my gossip girl !
i can really sit all day long in front of my monitor and watch more than five episodes.
ten maybe.
and yes I’ve got work tomorrow and I’m mad sleepy now.
I just get to watch one episode of gossip girl today, boohoohoo.
getting more and more lifeless.
work. drama. webcam. and i-don’t-know-what.
a lil’ something from gossip girl to confuse you.
on screen gossip girl and off screen gossip girl.
xoxo
for a long time,
she tossed and turned,
unable to sleep,
wondering if maybe, just maybe,
he was awake and thinking of her too.
and so i thought this will be a long and dreadful week.
so long that it feels like a season has change.
but I was wrong.
this week passes exceptionally fast. so fast, I have to run to catch up with it.
a busy week for me, which is good in a way.
because without realising it, I’ll get to see you again.
but will it even make a difference?
I’m not too sure but maybe that’s not the point.
then what is?
I’m getting old! Oh no……!
No joke! Turning twenty-two in 2 weeks time.
Young adult but I’m like a small girl whatthehell.
I seriously think I don’t match with my age.
I still act like a little girl whereas I should act like a lady. U_U fail.com
I’ll be having a birthday party with another 3 of my girls! (:
my primary girl friends; cindy, susan, and vivien. It has been 10 years!
We booked this cute cafe at Bangsar called Poco Handmade.
We have the whole place for our own but boy I’m nervous! and excited at the same time.
It’s gonna be a really sweet birthday because the whole place will be in pastel colours and surrounded by primary friends.
I used to be really jealous during primary 6 because Cindy and Vivien celebrated their birthday together while my birthday is 3 days after theirs and they don’t include me in.
No one really remember my birthday back then, wuwu. Haha, silly little girl.
And never did it cross my mind that I have the chance to celebrate my birthday with these girls. (:
Anyway, as USUAL again there will be a wishlist.
But actually the only thing I wish for this year is for people to treat me sincerely.
When friends asked me what do I want for this year’s birthday, I said I don’t know.
There’s really nothing much that I wish for. peace, heart, sincerity and happiness which money cant buy.
But of course, if you’re kind enough to get me presents there will be some stuff that I wish for.
Wait, not to say wishlist but these are the things I wanna buy. Just that I do not have enough cash yet.
1) Air ticket to UK.
Yes, I miss my bff and I know she miss me madly! bwaha, and I’m trying very hard to get myself an air ticket to UK and look for her. You can make donation if think our friendship is worth it or if you love me. hehehe!
2) Curling iron.
I bought super cheap ones and one day while I was curling my hair it burnt! Freaks me out wtf. I thought I’m gonna die from electric shock! And also that is why you don’t see me in curls anymore boohoo. ):
Dying to get one so I can curl my hair again.
3) Skincare.
My moisturizer and toner habis. U_U
My skin is always dry, I need one that is moisture enough. Planing to get either one of this; Hada labo, Laniege, or Biotherm. Out of cash, using mom’s sample for the moment. God!
4) Gel eyeliner.
My gel eyeliner is dying on me. I’ve been using it for so long and now it’s really dry. Been wanting to buy a really good gel eyeliner.
Using Kate’s currently and I feel like trying Maybelline’s. Not sure if it’s good enough though.
5) And that purple wallet which I’ve been eyeing for so long that cost a bomb!
Only a few knows which wallet I’m talking about. me want! U___U
6) Finally, my secret birthday wish.
♥
OH WAIT!!
I would love to have an organizer, pink one preferably or a really beautiful one as my birthday present.
Been dying to get one since forever.
Cant wait for November to come and have fun with my November babies. (:
do you agree on my post title?
humans are never perfect.
you just cant make everyone likes you OR dislikes you.
only with haters, we know who truly are our friends.
which friend of ours that truly cares.
i never appreciate anything more than a sincere heart.
a little sincerity goes a long way.
when you feel like it’s the end of the world and your friends who are so caught up with their life decides to take a couple of minutes just to check if you’re doing fine, these are the people who you should never let go.
these are the people who bring me this far.
the care from other people that comes sincerely from their hearts really are something i treasure a lot.
i am bless to have these friends, whom i actually seldom catch up with but yet, they know from my messages that i am not doing fine.
and they asked. they care for me.
they gave me the most encouraging words. and i cant describe how much i appreciate them. really.
And at times there will be some strangers who care enough to take their time and give me some advices or compliments. These people are really sweet and they really made my day. Really thank you from the bottom of my heart.
These also are the people who accept me for who I am.
But like I said, I can’t make everyone like me. Well I guess neither can you, that’s life.
But then again, not liking a person or hating a person as i would like to put it this way, doesn’t mean you have to literally ATTACK them.
yes, we human do have emotions. it is indeed very normal to hate someone. humans have different point of views.
but hating doesn’t equal to attacking.
yes, i do hate some particular person. like to the core i swear.
but i don’t attack in a disrespectful way.
or maybe i did when i get fucking piss but after that conversation that i wasn’t expecting, i somehow put it all down. 80% of it if not all.
it’s like alright. fuck it, i’m not gonna tweet.
no disrespectful tweets i mean.
and i believe from that day my tweets seems pretty normal.
but people just get agitated for god knows what reason.
it’s not even something that you people should be concern about.
maybe we should put it this way.
the whole fuck up incident had a great impact in my life and i’m still very much hurt by this fuck up incident.
my feelings are hurt. i care and i get piss.
and you people? what do you people have to do with this?
you’re not even involve in it. you don’t even know what actually happened.
for i believe the so called truth that were told, aren’t really the truth.
even, whether it is or not it still has got nothing to do with you people, isn’t it?
and i was told to be a little more mature. okay, perhaps i’m childish.
but if you get agitated on things that are totally not related to you, hmm. that sounds more immature.
stop. that’s what you people keep asking me to do.
if you haven’t notice, it takes two hands to clap.
as i said. i am hurt. i care. i voice out.
but to those who has got nothing to do with this, you shouldn’t say anything.
what do you know? like really.
i thought we’re all grown ups.
but from what you people said and did, that’s not the case. not at all.
disrespectful much.
i hate you. you. you. and you.
but i never really said any disrespectful words.
especially not on people’s family or backgrounds or whatever.
me hating you and your attitude or character is one thing. me disrespecting you and your family is another, which i did not.
i hate, and i try to ignore. which it is fucking hard for me.
ignoring is something i’m not very good at, but still i try.
whatever you said about a person, never on the family.
you’ve got no idea what happened in the family. you’ve got no idea what they have been through in the family.
so please, respect people’s family and yourself.
i bet you wouldn’t want others to talk about your family either.
and don’t laugh at people’s misfortune. which, some of you are doing currently.
i never in my life pretend or act like i’m a rich kid.
i’m poor. very poor in fact.
i have to think twice when i order for food.
i will compare the price every time.
Rm6.90 and Rm5.90. i will choose the cheaper ones though i prefer the Rm6.90 bowl of mee.
watching movies on a saturday night at pavilion makes me stress sometimes.
the ticket is expensive. i prefer Rm6 movie ticket before 6pm.
even drinking starbucks seems almost impossible for me.
like wtf do i really want to waste Rm15 for a cup of coffee.
yes, you can laugh at me. because i know you people do.
but sorry to say, i am proud of myself.
my mom stop giving me allowance since form 5.
and i’ve been using my own money since then.
i pay for my own food. i pay for my own clothings. i pay for my handphone. i pay for my camera.
i pay for my own computer. i pay for my 21st birthday party. i pay for my own trips. i pay for my bangkok trip.
and my mom don’t even pay my school fees.
i work hard to earn my own money so that i can carry on with my life and you people laugh at how poor i am.
how i don’t have the ability to do whatever it is.
when you people still depend on your parents. what is there to be proud of even if you’re rich?
is that what you achieve?
i rely on no one. only myself. i support my own life.
and please if things has got nothing to do with you, just stop involving in it.
if you wanna bitch about things non related to you, by all means go ahead.
but maybe not in public. it’s a shame.
i know, even if one day the truth unfolds things wont have much difference.
because the mindset is that i’m wrong no matter how.
i don’t even bother revealing the truth already.
and how funny it is when everyone in the world can do a specific thing and when it’s me doing it. i’m wrong.
i’m wrong doing such things but you just did the same. don’t you think it’s a little too confusing.
really, what on earth.
if you guys want, just continue what you’re doing.
and i hope you have fun.
as for me. i’m not afraid of anything.
i’ll take the responsibility for what i’ve done.
as long as i have my true friends, that’s good enough.
as long as they give me the chance to change. as long as they see me taking the initiative.
as long as they like me for who i am. i’m happy.
and just a little reminder here.
you don’t know what you sign up for. you thought it’s a good deal. you thought.
i am forever stuck at this situation.
my heart and my brain are never on good terms. never!
i don’t even know if i should classify myself as the brave one, or the dumb one.
prolly dumb suits me more.
it’s like i am forever falling for the wrong guy.
it’s either the wrong guy, or the right guy with a wrong timing. fml!
to have a boyfriend is easy. it is.
but to have a boyfriend who is also my best friend whereby i feel super comfortable being with, is never easy.
not for me.
so it sucks even more when you somehow found someone who you are comfortable with but yeah, wrong timing.
who doesn’t know it is wrong from the start. especially myself.
but what can i do?
right now all i want is just a little companion. just accompany me for the time being.
that will do.
frankly, i cant wait for my birthday to come.
things will be better from then on. for i believe it will.
i guess i just have to struggle a little bit more.
i’m always that strong emotional girl. how can even strong and emotional collaborate? i don’t know.
i’ve experienced worse. guess this is just another piece of cake which i can handle.
but still, i need my companion.
please be there for me. just for a short moment, i promise.