Me and my daddy
He is the first man who appear in my life. He is my man, he is my everything.
I miss him so dearly.
I always love him more than I love my mom. He is always the one I respect, and never fight back every word he says. He seldom scolds me, seldom hits me.
He will always get me what I want, treat me like his little princess.
Although I always cry because I fight with my brother and my mom scolds me, but he will always be the one who cheer me up.
I always feel that my mom don’t like me, and the one who love me most is him.
There is once when I fight with my friends in the school, I cried, and I called him.
He come to my school straight away, and see how am I.
He came all the way, just to make me feel better.
Being the very forgetful me, I always forget to buy my things which I need.
When I remember, it will be at night already, and he will be sleeping.
I will stand beside his bed, walk up and down, up and down, and think of a way to wake him up. I am very afraid that he might get angry because he is sleeping.
But he will never get angry at me, and fetch me to buy my things.
I remember the day that my mom tell me he has cancer, a serious one.
I was just 11 at that time, what can I do to actually help him??
I couldn’t do anything for him. I see him suffer.
He gets so thin and weak, and I almost cry everyday.
He vomits every time he eats his medicine. I can see that he is really in a lot of pain.
He is send to the hospital, because he is unconscious.
When I reach the hospital, I heard him screaming when the doctor inject him, and I cry uncontrollably. I couldn’t see him suffer. I couldn’t take the pain anymore.
It is so hard for me. So hard..
I remember that night, I don’t know why there are so many relatives in my house.
I woke up, to see what is happening.
My dad is unconscious again, and stand beside him, holding his hand so tight.
I keep on calling him, but he didn’t respond. I don’t know whether he know I am there or not. I saw his tears flow from his eyes. I keep on calling him, but he didn’t look at me.
The next day when I woke up, I saw the furnitures is all moved away. I keep on asking what is happening, and no one answer me. And then my grandma told me that he is gone. My dad is gone. He is gone forever. I keep on crying and crying and crying non stop. I saw him lying down in the coffin, my heart really break.
I always feel that he will recover someday, but no.
I always blame the god, and blame him. Why must he leave me behind, why don’t he stay with us. But I know, he don’t have a choice.
I don’t dream of him that often, although I want to.
But I can never forget these two dreams. I remember in my dream, he came back to see us. But after a while, I saw him wearing his socks. I know that he want to go, he want to leave me again. I ask him, but he say no. I know he is lying. I beg him to stay, but he is gone. And when I woke up, I am crying like hell..
And the other one, just recently, in my dream, I saw someone who look alike like him. Almost the same. I ask him if he were my dad, he say no. I keep on asking and asking, and I stick to that uncle. I know I am being very silly. Actually, I always think that someday, I will sure meet someone who looks like him.
He is gone for 7 years now, exactly 7 years. The date I will never forget.
I still love him with all my heart. Daddy, you are the best..
I am crying while I’m typing this. Stupid me..
I am angry cause of my brother, and daddy trying to cheer me up..
My family members..
I love you daddy!!