Me and my daddy
He is the first man who appear in my life. He is my man, he is my everything.
I miss him so dearly.

I always love him more than I love my mom. He is always the one I respect, and never fight back every word he says. He seldom scolds me, seldom hits me.
He will always get me what I want, treat me like his little princess.
Although I always cry because I fight with my brother and my mom scolds me, but he will always be the one who cheer me up.
I always feel that my mom don’t like me, and the one who love me most is him.

There is once when I fight with my friends in the school, I cried, and I called him.
He come to my school straight away, and see how am I.
He came all the way, just to make me feel better.

Being the very forgetful me, I always forget to buy my things which I need.
When I remember, it will be at night already, and he will be sleeping.
I will stand beside his bed, walk up and down, up and down, and think of a way to wake him up. I am very afraid that he might get angry because he is sleeping.
But he will never get angry at me, and fetch me to buy my things.

I remember the day that my mom tell me he has cancer, a serious one.
I was just 11 at that time, what can I do to actually help him??
I couldn’t do anything for him. I see him suffer.
He gets so thin and weak, and I almost cry everyday.
He vomits every time he eats his medicine. I can see that he is really in a lot of pain.
He is send to the hospital, because he is unconscious.
When I reach the hospital, I heard him screaming when the doctor inject him, and I cry uncontrollably. I couldn’t see him suffer. I couldn’t take the pain anymore.
It is so hard for me. So hard..

I remember that night, I don’t know why there are so many relatives in my house.
I woke up, to see what is happening.
My dad is unconscious again, and stand beside him, holding his hand so tight.
I keep on calling him, but he didn’t respond. I don’t know whether he know I am there or not. I saw his tears flow from his eyes. I keep on calling him, but he didn’t look at me.

The next day when I woke up, I saw the furnitures is all moved away. I keep on asking what is happening, and no one answer me. And then my grandma told me that he is gone. My dad is gone. He is gone forever. I keep on crying and crying and crying non stop. I saw him lying down in the coffin, my heart really break.
I always feel that he will recover someday, but no.
I always blame the god, and blame him. Why must he leave me behind, why don’t he stay with us. But I know, he don’t have a choice.

I don’t dream of him that often, although I want to.
But I can never forget these two dreams. I remember in my dream, he came back to see us. But after a while, I saw him wearing his socks. I know that he want to go, he want to leave me again. I ask him, but he say no. I know he is lying. I beg him to stay, but he is gone. And when I woke up, I am crying like hell..

And the other one, just recently, in my dream, I saw someone who look alike like him. Almost the same. I ask him if he were my dad, he say no. I keep on asking and asking, and I stick to that uncle. I know I am being very silly. Actually, I always think that someday, I will sure meet someone who looks like him.

He is gone for 7 years now, exactly 7 years. The date I will never forget.
I still love him with all my heart. Daddy, you are the best..

I am crying while I’m typing this. Stupid me..


I am angry cause of my brother, and daddy trying to cheer me up..



My family members..

I love you daddy!!


  1. -shaun- January 27, 2007

    ur post make my tears flow too…
    dont b sad…
    everything will be fine…

  2. firewire January 27, 2007

    i also lost someone who mean everything to me but i’m slightly luckier because i share my 20 years with her. nobody can ever replace her and i miss her dearly. life goes on and she’ll be remembered always.

  3. Peggy January 27, 2007

    shaun: Don’t worry about me, I’m fine.

    firewire: I know life goes on, but my life will be definitely better if he is here with me, seeing me grow..

    Damn shit, I couldn’t stand my tears..

  4. Chris January 27, 2007

    Yo Peggy. Darklight79 from LYN here. I must say it was really touching to see that your bond with your father hasn’t been diminished by the passing of time. These are the things which will last forever.
    I’m sure he’s pretty proud of his beloved daughter and he’s definitely watching over you from a better place free from pain. Beautiful pics. Images say a thousand words and your father must’ve been a pretty cool dad to have. Treasure those memories, because it’s how he lives on.


  5. firewire January 27, 2007

    well, i forgot to add that, life will be better if someone who care and care for you are still living and are there to share your ups and down. it’s ok to let the tears flow but dont get upset over it ;)

  6. LanPaKia January 27, 2007

    I cried when i reads your story because…
    Reminds me of my story where my family use to be very rich until i was in Form 3 (PMR year I wouldn’t forget) my family economy collapse and owing people around 65million ringgit. This was all because my dad business was very unsuccessful and debtor come to our house and took away almost every valuable thing as a deposit something like that and some of the debtor come to our house shouting and bashing up my dad ask us to pay up as soon as possible. I couldn’t concentrate on my PMR exam that time and yet I am very stress with it. After the PMR exam my family sends me to Canada to live with my relatives where separate me from my family. Not long after that I receive calls from my mother in her sadness telling me that my dad commits suicide due to the pressure. I was very sad and I din even have the chance to attend my dad funeral. Due to this incident tells me that money is important because my father side relatives took all of my father property which was suppose to be given to me because they says this is to pay back the debts that my father owe them. What a lousy cold hearted relative I got…..but anyway I keep on telling myself that this things was a past I going to work my ass off and show them and my dad that I am very successful now. I’m turning 20 this year and next year I am going to graduate and go back to Malaysia and revenge to those cold hearted relatives and also take my PMR result that i haven collect it all this years.

  7. Peggy January 27, 2007

    Chris: Yup, this things will last forever in my heart.. Anyway, thanks for reading..

    firewire: Don’t worry, I will not get too upset about it.

    Lanpakia: Erm, its really sad. Good luck in your studies and show to time you are very successful. Your relatives are really terrible. Good Luck..

  8. KuKuJiaoMan January 27, 2007

    Peggy…dun worry…

    Your dad will be at ur side and looking after u and his family from heaven!!!!!

    Darn….my eyes watery liao….

  9. Peggy January 28, 2007

    kukujiaoman: It is really very sad every time I think about him. But I know he don’t want me to be sad..

  10. DaMoN January 28, 2007

    o well..just think of it like this..everyone must go someday..but they will remain in your heart and they are alwasy happy if they see thier love one happy as in real life..your dad will alwasy be happy if his little girl happy rite..i lost my dad a year ago..and i nvr really talked talked to my dad that are my other siblings..because my dad dont really talk with us..but he is a very talkative guy and alwasy crack jokes when hes with his friends..i felt like me and my siblings neglected him..and the moment i seen his picture after he pass away..i break down and cry and talked to that picture like its him..very stress that time..but anyways..i owase know that he loves us and he will alwase be in our heart….hish..i emo d..sob..

  11. SQUALL @ JINKINZ January 28, 2007

    nice blog u got…
    i lost my dad too actually…..
    by tat time i realise wat they mean by appreciate..

    from now on, i appreciate ppl around us….
    v never know wat happen next…..

    cant change the fact tat he is gone…
    but v only can move on….

    Be strong.

  12. wahwah January 31, 2007

    peggy sis…gambate in ur life oo…n_n
    ur family n friends r always supporting u…

  13. JL February 1, 2007

    this is a very good and heartfelt while sad post. stay strong miss

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