is malaysia’s weather killing you yet?
it definitely is killing me softly hotly. omgbbq!

i wanted to switch on my air-con but mom keeps stressing about the electric bill.
as her lousy daughter, all i can do is to help her save some money and continue to sweat like a pig.
i feel as if i’m inside an oven typing this out. maximum hotness.

anyway. finally here’s my tattoo pictures.
it has been almost a week. the tattoo is no longer pain, but it itches like mad now.

* i keep pinching and pinching the pillow i’m hugging…

* …because tattooing on the feet is effing x10 pain!

* so pain till i go ‘eh eh stop. i cannot already. WAH WHY SO PAIN ONE?’ T______T

* this picture very hard to take one you know. almost all the time i was in pain. boo

and here is my swollen pig’s feet.
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* TADAA! wtf! now you get what i mean by swollen? i kid you not. LOOK how serious it is. the pain, omg. i’ll let you do the imagination.

* and there. now my feet is back to normal size.

that’s a cancer ribbon and the colour is teal.
which means liver cancer.
which is what took my dad away from me.
the date where he left us. and the date where his pain left him.

fuck cancer.

edited:
right. almost forget to mention.
i did it at blackcat sunway by kevin.
he’s real good .he puts in a lot of heart and effort while tattooing.
he did it slow and nice.
such small ribbon, he uses three colours.
he’s good. tattoo artist from blackcat is good.
their work are very nicely down.

ok. byebye

3.24 am right now.
i went to catch a very hilarious movie with my friends. Old Dog.
and i’m glad that i did not stay at home.

it helps.
but now that i’m finally home, typing this.
it creeps into my mind again.

i thought i wouldn’t feel that much pain since it’s already the tenth.
but i’m wrong. i feel even worse.

exactly ten years ago. at this hour. you left.
remember how i lean on the bed. holding your hand ever so tightly and called you.
‘ba ba’

fuck. i’m not even finish and i’m already crying. fml
well fine. i don’t know what to say anymore.
wish you were here. as always.

dad. i’m pretty fine.
i hope you’re doing good too.
i’m getting a tattoo tomorrow.

it says.
fuck cancer.

after so long. dad finally came into my dream again last night.
after so so long. i’ve been missing him so much.

a lot of times when i dream of my dad .it is about him coming back home.
like finally he’s back home again after like what. ten years.
same goes to yesterday’s dream. he came back home.

i guess i really want him back so much.
in my dream, the first thing i do when i saw him in the house is run over to him.
and hug him .and cry.
i don’t know how long i actually hugged him, because i remember i didn’t want to let go.
i didn’t want him to leave me. and i keep crying and crying.

it’s like every time, a part of me know that i am dreaming.
and that’s why i try to make him stay as long as i could.
but dreams are always short. and in the end i have to wake up to this reality.
dad’s gone once again.

dad. i’m a lot taller now.

it will be ten years very soon. but until today i’m still crying like he just leave me yesterday.
please appear more in my dreams. come home more. i miss you.

cry for the second time of the year. damn.

I always, ALWAYS second guess myself.
I second guess every single decision I’ve made, big ones of course.
Every time I made mistake, i blame myself. Thoroughly.

I regret when things don’t come out right.
I blame myself for choosing the wrong way.
I blame myself for my own heartbreak.
And then I’ll start with all the ‘I shouldn’t have….or I should have….’ kind of crap. To be frank it’s killing me slowly.

I know I should learn from mistakes and bla bla bla… but no. I cant forgive myself for all the mistakes I’ve made.
I’m really harsh on myself, don’t be I know.
But then that’s me, I’ve always been like this since long time ago.

I try to change. I keep telling myself its okay to make mistake. Every human being makes mistake.
Sometimes all this self-psycho works magically, sometimes it just don’t.

I’m a paranoid girl with problems, lots of problems.
Little problems, big problems, they just get heavier and heavier.
I’ve been carrying all these problems with me and walk and walk and walk.
For so many years, I’ve just been walking with all these problems on my back.
And you just look from afar.
So far away, I don’t even know where.

I just want to stop walking and have a loooooooong rest.
Dad, I’m really tired.

**

Some pictures from Zouk last week. I just don’t feel like talking bout Zouk now, so whatever.

* Ken’s last night at KL before going back to Penang to for classes.

* Both sick of drinking.

* Ken acting nerdy.

* And Ian boy.

I wonder if you can hear me or if all the letters that I’ve wrote works.
Where are you??????????????????
I can’t quite feel you, you know?
Can’t you just come to my dreams, give me a hug and tell me it’s gonna be alright?
You don’t even come to my dreams anymore. ):

I miss you so much, pap. )’:

As usual, didn’t realise that it’s father’s day till my friend mentioned about it.
Nothing much I wanna say about, he knows how much I love him.

Dy, just wanna wish you a very Happy Daddy’s Day and I miss you a lot.
Come into my dream tonight, I wish to see you.
Lots of ♥♥♥.

Yay!!! All the assignments are done for this semester. Such a huge relief, phew!!!
Left with two presentations and exams. I can concentrate on studying for my exams now without worrying about the work that is still not done, because ALL is done.

Went to visit daddy yesterday morning, I barely have enough time to sleep.
Slept at 3 and woke up at 7, obviously those sleeping hours ain’t gonna be enough.
And sometimes its not even about the sleeping hours, its about the time I really fall asleep.
From 2am to 3am, from 3am to 4am, and now its 6am in the morning. Gosh, what am I doing?
I really don’t feel very well lately, all thanks to those late night sleeps.
I feel really tired, I need massage. Anyone??

A picture of me before heading off to dad’s place.

Sigh, I wanted to write daddy a letter but I was so tired the night before, I do not have the mood to write.
The next day when I woke up, I feel like writing so much but I do not have enough time. Damn..
I almost took out a small piece of paper and write down my blog address so that he can come to my blog and I can talk to him here. I pause for a while and thought to myself, that must be really silly of me.
And so I wrote nothing. Boo…

* Burn, burn, and burn.

Mom bought a new car for dad, Mercedes S Class. Haha, she said dad didn’t change car for some time already.
And then my brother asked, ‘How did you know?’. And I said, ‘Yah, how did you know? He’s got credit cards that has no limit, he might have bought himself a new car already’.
T____________T Such stupid conversation, haha.
One thing I dislike about being a Buddhist is that there is so so much burning going on, all year long.
Those burning incense nearly chock me to death and it sting my eyes. : (
I dislike. All those burning are so not environmental friendly, super duper air pollution. Pfft..

* Irresistible ’siu yuk’ for dad.

Every year I snatch my dad’s food. Hahaha..
I shriek at my mom and said, ‘No, don’t open up that ’siu yuk’, if not it will be covered by ashes. I want to eat!!’.
She answered, ‘Later dad scold you then you know’. Boo, I know daddy wont scold me, he never scolds me.
T________T Look at me. One of my friend said to me that me and foods are so inseparable. Wth..
Before I go grab a piece of ’siu yuk’, I look at my dad and I ‘hehe’ at him.
What happens next is that piece of ’siu yuk’ is already in my mouth, hahahaha.
Its so wtf, I know. Sigh, my dad must be thinking, ‘Wtf, why is my daughter like this.. T__T’.
Sigh, I’m sorry dad for being such a pig.

Super wtf after the jump..

Read the rest of this entry »

Currently listening to – ‘So what’ by Pink

Like seriously, omg can you believe it?

I can’t believe myself.
I can’t believe myself that I’ve finally done it.
I can’t believe myself that I have the guts to do it.
I can’t believe myself that I can overcome the fear and the pain.
I can’t believe myself that its finally done and it will be with me for the rest of my life.

* Do I look terrible? I think I do, I’m lack of sleep.

* At last its done. It spells William, my daddy’s name. :’)

* An upclose of it. I really like it a lot, what say you? Nice?

Now only I realise that I’m not that weak after all, I can endure the pain.
I’m really really afraid at first especially when people keep telling me that the area I wanna do it is very painful.
Its pain, it is but at the same time that feeling of pain is very special.
The pain that I have not experience before.
I think I’ll remember the pain forever and this will be the thing that keeps me alive.

Damn, I feel like doing another one at my back, the neck area.
Just feel like it but if I’m really doing it, then it will be ‘Do Not Fear’ and I wanna put it vertically.
Why ‘Do Not Fear’? I don’t wanna be afraid of so many things in life. Afraid of this and that. I want to have the courage to do whatever I feel like doing.
I hope I don’t get too addicted and keep adding inks into my body.

I feel really great having my dad’s name on my wrist.
I guess it will look stupid to some of you guys, wondering why am I doing brainless stuff and such.
It might be stupid to you guys, but it is not at all to me.

Like I said earlier before, I’m glad to know that whatever happens, he is just right there for me. And its even better when his name is on my wrist, just right where my radial pulse is.
The feeling is just unexplainable, and I’m lazy to describe anymore.
I’ll just leave it to myself, haha. :’D

Anyway, Unifest is super awesome. Can’t wait to blog about it.
After that few hours jumping around at Unifest, I went to play badminton. Reached home around 1 something midnight and yet I go online. Follow by the four hours class the next day. I look like a dead fish in class and I took a short nap while my lecturer asked us to do calculation. Super tired.
Lucky I’ve got no class tomorrow, I can sleep like nobody business. :’D
I’ll try to wait for those photographers to upload pictures so you guys get to see a clearer and nicer pictures but if they are too slow, then I’ll just post mine.

Peggy Chow, look at yourself. You’ve finally done it, omfg. (sorry, a bit hyper at the moment.) :’D
I’m proud of myself because I overcome the pain, which is one of the thing I fear most.
Nothing can beat me down now. : )
From fake to real baby. :’D

P/S: I’m going to Poppy tonight, yeah. :’D
Edited: Oh ya, I drew that font myself. Hee.. : )

If you are still here today, then it will be your 50th birthday.
There is so so so much things I wanna say to you, but don’t know how.
Or maybe you already know what I wanna say to you..
I so hope you are by my side, telling me that everything will be alright just like how you say it to me when I’m small.

Happy 50th Birthday and I miss you.