this week started off as a hell for me.
as i said earlier, holiday turned me into a rather lazy girl.

a lazy girl bombarded with plenty of assignments equals to *^$@&#*#&@^&@ *dut dut dut* !!
but my hardworking spirit *cheh* came back after a day.
its not that bad after all and now I’m so use to it.

waking up so early almost everyday.
discussions for hours and hours till evening.
nap for only an hour.
and go to bed earlier than usual.
sangat ber-routine, hah!

***
my lecturer asked us a question in the class the other day.
‘who had been in love before?’
some of the students raised up their hands. i did not.
i cant tell you why i did not raise up my hand, cause i myself do not know why either.

she asked for the second time.
‘who had been in love before?’
and more students response by raising up their hands this time, including myself.

she then asked another question.
‘whose heart had been broken before?’
i looked at her. i took a glimpse at those around me.
once again students raise up their hands.
i then raised up mine slowly, feeling rather stone because i wasn’t expecting my lecturer asking all these kind of questions in the class.

then she told us.
‘those who had their heart broken are those who love passionately.’

she once interviewed a drug addict.
she described this drug addict with a word.
skinny.
almost fleshless, what’s left is only bones wrapped by his skin.

then she told us how this drug addict inject himself.
i’ve got no idea how he did it but what she said was, he leaned on the wall, pushed himself into the needle, poking through his feet.
not on any part of his body but his feet.

heart-wrenching.
i know if i’m there to witness this scene, i’ll cry.

she asked him, what is the reason he did drugs.
and he answered, the girl he love left him.

my heart literally stopped for a moment.
‘those who had their heart broken, if they are painter they no longer paint, if they are writer they no longer write.’

this story just hit me somewhere. somehow.
i feel really sad for him.

love. can be the best thing yet the worst.
seems like. it can lift you up to heaven yet it can push you down to hell.

so beautiful .yet so ugly.