somewhere in between i’ve lost myself many a time .
and along the way I always manage to bring me back to myself.
but not this time .have i lost the spark once inside of me?

i’m a lot quieter than my usual self .something i realized recently.
don’t really know what is bothering me or might be that there’s too much to mention.

hmm. as i’ve said in my previous post, i shifted my bed .
and then i come to realize that i never had a good night sleep before.
either never or too few for me to remember.
almost every night i’ll dream when i sleep. to add onto that i keep waking up in the middle of the night for no reason.
i don’t even how it feels like anymore to sleep without having dreams and waking up every few hours.

i thought it was normal at first. till it starts to get real annoying and i asked my friends if they too woke up in the middle of the night.
but no, they can sleep soundly till the next morning. damn, i’m jealous.
they told me its because there’s too much stuff going on in my head.
its like even when i’m asleep my brain is still thinking.
almost every single night. you can imagine how bad this can be .

now i know why i always feel so tired even after 9 hours of sleep.
my sleep doesn’t have quality. ):

me feeling down has been going on for some time now.
about the time i start working. more than a month i guess.
and today is one of the worst day ever. everything seems so wrong plus working feels like shit today .
but i’m much better now.

whatever shit happens, i know i can deal with it .whether i’ll be so hurt till it feels like a knife stabbing through my heart or not, i still can deal with it.
i might be emo, i might cry but still. i can deal with it!!!

why?
because when i can deal with my dad leaving me, i can deal with almost anything.
nothing’s gonna be worse than my dad leaving me so whatever shit happens, i’ll still be standing here.
i might stand here and cry but at the minimum, i’m still here. standing.

‘anyway, i might think too much but i too think you think too much.’ (:
i don’t care if your intention is good or bad.
i don’t care if you did it on purpose or not on purpose.
i don’t care if you did it for your benefit or mine .
i don’t care .
all i know is that you make me feel upset. thats it.

but its ok. as i’ve said i can deal with it. (:
*smile smile*

So .. you seriously want to upset this girl here ?

it’s your choice (: