Tired of living and scared of dying.

If you haven’t know already, I’m a girl who loves putting down thoughts in words. I love art and painting, I do but I’m never those type of people who can transmit my thoughts and put it into visual form.

I was so bored while I was working previously I start putting down my thoughts again. Typed it in my phone but totally forgotten about it afterwards.

Everyone’s talking about the suicide incident of Alviss Kong, on how stupid he is. I can see how harsh some people can be, giving no respect at all for the deceased. Some said people like him deserve no respect.

Sigh, what a world. Indeed no doubt, he is stupid for giving up his life for a love relationship that lasted merely four months. But who knows how deep his love is for the girl. Reading this piece of news, it makes me think a lot. At some point of my life, I thought of ending mine as well. I was so depress, I cried everyday. Few times a day in fact. Sometimes at college, sometimes in a friend’s car, sometimes during a movie in cinema, sometimes in karaoke. I was so heartbroken, I cant focus on shits.

One of my darkest period, the thought of suiciding never fail to creep into my mind from day to day. For love. I cant handle the break up. I cant handle myself.

What didn’t make the thought come real is my mom. I cant bring myself to do this to her. I cant put all my hurt into her. I cant make her lost another family member, I know how that feels. I just can never bring myself to do this to my family. If I do not have a family, it’s a different story all together (at that point of life).

And thank god I’ve got two friends who helped me pull this through. Spent all their time keeping me accompany. Making sure I’m all right from time to time. Having all ears for me while I sob and rant. Lending me shoulders when I needed them.

If you ask me now will suicide thought still swims around in my mind, nope not much. Once in a blue moon while I’m too stress or upset but it just stops right there.

For those who spitted really harsh words at that guy who died for love, I’m sorry but you’re really mean. Everyone handles hurt differently, some pulled it through while some just cant. You’ve got no idea how deep is his love for the girl, how hurt is he at that very moment. Maybe he just needs one friend to be there to stop the tragedy, but there’s none.

It seems like after the case of Alviss Kong, there’s more and more suicidal case printed on newspapers every other day. It saddened me to see such news. It is never a wise thing to do to take your own life, I guess all you need are friends who’ll be there to help you pull the days though.

People in love are indeed stupid people. Love are only for insane people.
But after all the hurt, you’ll always get to learn something new in the end. And you’ll definitely grow to be a stronger person. I just hope people out there who are going through all these shits wanting to suicide will think about it all over again.

Sometimes the world is just so sad.


  1. Ee February 21, 2011

    2 friend of yours? Am I one of them?

  2. Peggy February 21, 2011

    Ee: o-b-v-i-o-u-s-l-y!!!

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