To Battle or Not To Battle?

I’m afriad, very very much afraid. You’ve got no idea how many times I exactly repeated these lines.
I can’t describe that feeling of fear, I don’t know how.

I’m confused. I’m always confused.
Sometimes, or most of the times I think I’m the one who confuse myself.
I’m so confuse now I don’t know whether I confuse myself or the situation confuse myself.
And when I’m confuse, I tend to get emo.

Nothing happened, really. Its just those words that make me confuse.
I tried and I failed. I try again and I fail again. Its repeating itself again and again and again till it send shivers down my spine. Its gonna be a phobia real soon.

I’m so scared now, I reject myself before anyone rejects me.
No one defeats me, I defeat myself. I tell myself I’ll lose even before I step out to battle.
I really am afriad of the rejection. I rather reject myself before they reject me.

I tell myself I’ll lose but yet I always step into the battlefield because I wanna win so much. So so much. And what happens next?
I lose again, with scars all over me.

The battle is always there and now I’m so afraid to go fight for it.
No no, I don’t wanna lose with all the scars covering me. I rather surrender.
But if I surrender, how am I going to win? I want to win so badly, so so badly.

You guys always like to confuse me with all those words.
To battle or not to battle is the question now.

2 Comments

  1. West April 6, 2009

    Why think so much? Just go for it! Altho i dun know wat is the real story behind all of this, but u would want to win so much, so why go down without a fight? As ppl has always say do your best and let god decide the rest :)

    P.s…if its like robbery or anything criminal in nature then my answer would be No lol…


  2. Peggy April 6, 2009

    West: Go down without a fight because I’m afraid of the failure and of course, its very legal.. Haha.. Anyway, thanks for the comment. I’ll try to put down my fear. :)


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