To Battle or Not To Battle?

I’m afriad, very very much afraid. You’ve got no idea how many times I exactly repeated these lines.
I can’t describe that feeling of fear, I don’t know how.

I’m confused. I’m always confused.
Sometimes, or most of the times I think I’m the one who confuse myself.
I’m so confuse now I don’t know whether I confuse myself or the situation confuse myself.
And when I’m confuse, I tend to get emo.

Nothing happened, really. Its just those words that make me confuse.
I tried and I failed. I try again and I fail again. Its repeating itself again and again and again till it send shivers down my spine. Its gonna be a phobia real soon.

I’m so scared now, I reject myself before anyone rejects me.
No one defeats me, I defeat myself. I tell myself I’ll lose even before I step out to battle.
I really am afriad of the rejection. I rather reject myself before they reject me.

I tell myself I’ll lose but yet I always step into the battlefield because I wanna win so much. So so much. And what happens next?
I lose again, with scars all over me.

The battle is always there and now I’m so afraid to go fight for it.
No no, I don’t wanna lose with all the scars covering me. I rather surrender.
But if I surrender, how am I going to win? I want to win so badly, so so badly.

You guys always like to confuse me with all those words.
To battle or not to battle is the question now.


  1. West April 6, 2009

    Why think so much? Just go for it! Altho i dun know wat is the real story behind all of this, but u would want to win so much, so why go down without a fight? As ppl has always say do your best and let god decide the rest :)

    P.s…if its like robbery or anything criminal in nature then my answer would be No lol…

  2. Peggy April 6, 2009

    West: Go down without a fight because I’m afraid of the failure and of course, its very legal.. Haha.. Anyway, thanks for the comment. I’ll try to put down my fear. :)

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