Pessimism

I am so tired and moody.
Very very moody. I feel that I’m very unwanted.
It seems like I am not very important, to family or friends.
I don’t think people need me. I don’t think that without me, they will be less happy.
I feel that I am very annoying and I am very stupid.
I am stupid, I am brainless, I am very annoying, I looks like an idiot……
Damn, I hate myself now..
I know people dislike me, people hate me..
I exist or not, doesn’t really matter actually..
For now, I feel like staying away from people and live in my own world.
Moody sucks like hell.
I want to cry. But the stupid tears just don’t want to come out, even i squeeze it.

Damn! Bye….

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Oh ya, his mom is in a stable condition now. Not fully conscious, but I guess tomorrow she will. Pray hard people.

Please Pray For Her..

Life is precious, I realize that, but somehow when I am enjoying my life, having fun here and there, I tend to forget that life is so so precious.

One minute someone is talking to you, and the next minute he/she might be gone.
It is hard to accept the fact that someone you love or even someone you know is in a critical condition and may lost his/her life any second. Things are unpredictable.

I am quite shock this morning that he told me his mom couldn’t wake up, in coma.
I know she has some headache and she feels dizzy, but I don’t expect her to be in coma.
And what shock me the most is that…….she has a big large tumor in her brain.
I am really worried. I look for them in the hospital.
I saw his dad and him crying, and I am feeling very bad.
I want to console him and give him strength but I know, its hard for him to listen to what I say. The atmosphere in the hospital is so stress and tension, I feel like bursting.

I couldn’t really control myself from crying. I’ve been through what he is going through now, and I know exactly how he feels like.
Being in the same hospital as my dad went last time, is kind off tough for me.
It bring backs so many sad memories, and looking at them crying, just make me wanna cry more. I try so hard to control myself, and somehow I did not cry much.

Her condition is consider okay now. Half of her tumor is taken out already and we have to wait for 48 hours to make sure she is stable. The tumor is so big large, it will really shock you. I really want her to be fine and healthy.
Please, please, please, please everyone who his reading my blog..
Please help me pray for her and hope she will be in a stable condition and she will recover fully and has the strength to scold his son again.
Argh, I just hope everything will be fine.

Ching Ming

I’ve been waiting for this day for almost two years.
At last, I can see my dad again.

Was so dissapointed last year, I couldn’t visit him, because my uncle (his elder brother) pass away. I don’t know why we cant visit him, this is the chinese ‘law’.
Every year we have to find for his tomb, because there are too many and we always forget the number. I must not forget anymore.. The number is 20.

Three of us pay respect to our father. We grow so much, and all of us are so tall now, compare to seven years ago. I always want to find him, but I have no idea how to go to Nilai. I really want to go there and find him sometimes.

I still remember that day, my hand is full of sand. I threw those sand on to his coffin, and that is the last time I saw his face. So many years has passed now, but I still get sad and I miss him dearly. Argh, I love love love love him…

Hope he gets the letter I burnt him.