what else can i say?
other than me being stupid.

i laugh at my own stupidity as my tears roll down.
how fucking pathetic.

how fucking stupid i am.
anger. hurt. sad. regret. fuck up.

thank you.
thank you very much.

please. don’t even bother about this post.

this week started off as a hell for me.
as i said earlier, holiday turned me into a rather lazy girl.

a lazy girl bombarded with plenty of assignments equals to *^$@&#*#&@^&@ *dut dut dut* !!
but my hardworking spirit *cheh* came back after a day.
its not that bad after all and now I’m so use to it.

waking up so early almost everyday.
discussions for hours and hours till evening.
nap for only an hour.
and go to bed earlier than usual.
sangat ber-routine, hah!

***
my lecturer asked us a question in the class the other day.
‘who had been in love before?’
some of the students raised up their hands. i did not.
i cant tell you why i did not raise up my hand, cause i myself do not know why either.

she asked for the second time.
‘who had been in love before?’
and more students response by raising up their hands this time, including myself.

she then asked another question.
‘whose heart had been broken before?’
i looked at her. i took a glimpse at those around me.
once again students raise up their hands.
i then raised up mine slowly, feeling rather stone because i wasn’t expecting my lecturer asking all these kind of questions in the class.

then she told us.
‘those who had their heart broken are those who love passionately.’

she once interviewed a drug addict.
she described this drug addict with a word.
skinny.
almost fleshless, what’s left is only bones wrapped by his skin.

then she told us how this drug addict inject himself.
i’ve got no idea how he did it but what she said was, he leaned on the wall, pushed himself into the needle, poking through his feet.
not on any part of his body but his feet.

heart-wrenching.
i know if i’m there to witness this scene, i’ll cry.

she asked him, what is the reason he did drugs.
and he answered, the girl he love left him.

my heart literally stopped for a moment.
‘those who had their heart broken, if they are painter they no longer paint, if they are writer they no longer write.’

this story just hit me somewhere. somehow.
i feel really sad for him.

love. can be the best thing yet the worst.
seems like. it can lift you up to heaven yet it can push you down to hell.

so beautiful .yet so ugly.

it’s gonna be a very hectic week i suppose.
lots of group discussion and assignments for me to figure out.
i guess i had too much fun from this year’s chinese new year, all these assignments somehow disappeared from my mind.
and now that the due dates are near, the stress is back. :\

don’t think i’ll have the time to update this blog in the following week and in case i really don’t, please don’t miss me. HAHA!
i’ll try to, lots of pictures i have yet to post.
holiday’s a bitch, they always somehow turn me into a very lazy person.

anyway, i’ll still update my plurk though.
i cant stand not voicing out whatever that’s in my mind.
about the don’t miss me, i’m just joking.

please miss me. (:

am i risking my undramatic life i asked myself.
am i risking all the peace i have right now, all the happiness i have right now.

are all these risks worth taking.

what if it repeats again?
full with hatred. full with anger. full with arguments and fights. full with tears.
and the heart broke into a million of pieces again, like the scar ain’t deep enough.

i told myself, no. do not take the risks.
but isn’t it funny how i feel that you’re the only one i feel like sharing my everything.
anything that happened in my life, my ups and downs. and vice versa despite the dramas we used to have.

only bestfriend.
i dare not think.

***
there’s stuff that bothers me.
stuff that makes me think, makes me worried, unsure of what to do.
i feel so annoyed these few days.

might be pms. might not wtf.
i do not like to hurt.
bye

after procrastinating much, finally i transferred the pictures into my computer. :\
chinese new year is ending, i don’t even know what date is it today. i mean in chinese calendar.

* my breakfast slash lunch slash dinner at hometown. almost eating the same food every meal. hah!

* if you’ve got Ultraman to show him, he’ll stick to you. If you do not have it and you stick to him, he’ll slap you wtf.

* Youngest cousin in the family, looks like Chibi Maruko. bili bala bili bala~

‘Flew’ back from hometown just to join the clan to bai nin. (:

* While waiting. . .

* the ‘long lost friend’ who will only appear when girlfriend is not free. lol

* kee pok wearing kee’s helmet, lol.

* Wah and me, lee kuan didn’t join. she fall sick. ):

* smiles.

next day went to ken jee’s house cause he didn’t get to join us on chor3.
the guys went there to drink, while i went there to play mahjong. bwaha
and also to lou sang…………………………but

* this sang that i lou is the smelliest sang i’ve ever lou in my entire life wtf. so smelly that non of us can stand the smell. smell like ’suen suk mei’.. you know like the sour sour smell when poeple sweat, ugh.

* har! buy cheap stuff la, straight into the rubbish bin after we lou.

and fyi, they bought it from Carrefour, somemore buy one free one.
peng yeh mou hou yeh ahh boss!

boo! holiday is over.
back to reality once AGAIN.

its been a week since i last blog.
lotsa activities this chinese new year.

went back to hometown on chor2.
came back on chor3 and almost right away i went to my friend’s place to bai nin.
chor4 we went to ken’s house, lou ’smelly’ sang and gamble.
chor5 went to G6 for poh juan’s birthday.
chor6 went to cameron.
chor7 went to ipoh. then to phuture for thom’s farewell.
chor8 went to skybar.

see! wtf.
i’m listing it all here to explain why i did not update my blog.
and i know i look like an idiot now. lol

and today. i stay at home to do my assignment which is due tomorrow.
damn! i almost , nearly, hampir-hampir, zan dit dit forget about my assignment.
luckily it ain’t that tough, or else i’ll be so dead.

i really like this year’s chinese new year.
i enjoyed myself. with my family and friends.

pictures. not ready yet.
i’m lazy slash tired. wait till i’m real boring, then i’ll resize and edit the pictures.

one week of holiday almost turned me into the old peggychow.
*slap slap* back to ‘i’ve got 8 o’clock class tomorrow’ kind of life.

everyone dreads going to class and work after cny.
:X

hieeeee!!
a short post from hometown.
currently trapped at bentong with ze family and relatives.

gonna go back to city tomorrow and bai nin with my big bunch of friends. (:
didn’t expect much from this year’s cny but so far, it seems to turn out pretty good.

* a girl with a smile on her face (:

hope you guys are happy too.
collect tons and tons and tons of angpows. heh.

it’s chinese new year all over again.
say hi to red packets. long lost relatives. mandarin oranges. fooooooods and snackss. and little casinos.
chinese new year always lifts up the mood.
very much different from christmas, i feel more excited during chinese new year.
fire crackers and loud new year songs maybe.

* here to wish everyone a very happy chinese rawr rawr year. gong heii fatt dai choii ((:
fatt fatt fatt. *please let me win every time i gamble this year* wtf

and of course not to forget valentine’s day.
hah! bonus for those who aren’t celebrating valentine this year, like me.
because we have chinese new year to accompany us, bwaha.

* happy valentines day to all lovers and to all singles as well. (:

my family and i will be having steamboat for our reunion dinner.
i’ve got no idea why my mom chooses steamboat when the weather is so friggin hot.
but oh wells..

oh ya! no red nails this year. ):
my friend told me that because this year is a tiger year and bla bla bla..
we shouldn’t paint our nails red and wear too much of red bajus. ):
must use more blue to neutralize whatever shit it is..
aih, chinese new year i like to wear red red one lorh but noww.. pfft

call me superstitious.