Financial crisis, sticking to me like a big fat bitch leech.
Constantly sucking all my money out from my bank account, leaving it as dry as a desert.

Things weren’t that bad, everything was still under my control until I lost something so important which lead to yet another financial crisis.
Here I am, bearing the consequences of being a clumsy girl which cost more than my one month salary.
Yes, fml indeed.

I was pissed off yesterday morning, for not getting my pay on time because what I’m left with is the last drip of ‘water’.
So the news that reached me yesterday morning is not the most pleasant thing to hear.

Debt, debt, and more debts. Money, money, and ……… Y U NO AND MORE MONEY!?
I have yet to jump from Penang bridge feeling like a bankrupt woman because I have really good friends around me to give me a helping hand.
They helped me a lot through all these years, whenever I needed them and I cant thank them enough.
So much that I’m about to say, ‘ngo yat sai dou wan mm sai’.

The fact that my mom ( who has got a heart as emotionless as a stone just kidding ) stop giving me allowance 6 years back during form 5 really taught me how to be independent and indebt.
I wouldn’t say it’s a BAD thing though sometimes when things got out of hand I’ll get piss at the whole concept she came out with.
Work if you want money and there’s no way I can get even ten bucks from her if there’s no solid reason and the solid reason is most of the time when I need it for seeing a doctor.
This, I die die also force her to pay lorh since she’s not paying me allowance and my uni fees.

People my age, a lot of them are already feeding their own car, feeding themselves, and feeding their family.
As for me, what I manage to do at this moment is just feeding myself and two months later give a portion of my salary to my mom.
This is all I can do for the moment, not up to my expectation but anyhow I’m still proud of myself when I know that there is also a lot of people my age still asking shit loads of money from parents, swiping credit cards, not working and not doing anything meaningful.
But then again who wouldn’t want to be in that position? Stress free!

Money, it can either create problems or solve problems.
I remember when I was young, my uncle’s then girlfriend told me that money is something one should look at when you’re in a relationship.
My answer to her was, “NO! As long as I love my boyfriend or husband, I don’t mind him being poor.”
Was I naive? Maybe yes, maybe not.
Of course, at this point I still don’t think it’s all about money and I will love my another half no matter what.
But having said that, money somehow or rather can still be an issue in a relationship sometimes.
Especially when both are mad broke.

But one thing for sure, I will never feel the pressure that I need to dress myself up in branded clothing just because my another half has got the ability to dress himself up in them.
Or I will never feel the pressure to dress my another half in branded clothing just because I have the ability to dress myself up in them. (having the ability to dress myself up in those, of course have yet to happen and might take a million years though I hope not)
To be in that position that brings pressure, is somewhat pathetic.

Money, they do buy happiness.
Maybe short term happiness, or maybe not.
But without money,……. you do the imagination.

One fine day when I earn big bucks, I swear I’m gonna buy my mom a five figure Ebel watch because the Ebel she’s wearing now should be put in the museum. She bought it for herself at the age of 21!
That watch is even older than me!

That one fine day better come!

I said this more often than I should and each time I said it I feel a little older.
365 days passed, since my last birthday party with the girls.
It definitely felt like yesterday to me.
Memories so vivid.

I remember the people and noises they make.
I remember the scene and colours.
I remember the laughter and smile on everyone’s’ faces.

I remember everything being so perfect but at that very same moment I felt like the loneliest girl in the world.
Surrounded by so many people and laughter but yet I feel absolutely isolated. I isolate myself.
I forced myself to put a smile on my face, or rather fake a smile.
Something bothered me. My brain couldn’t stop thinking, my heart couldn’t stop rushing.
I was nervous and upset all together, I do not know what exactly to feel.
I try to be happy. I am happy for having my scorpio girls with me and my friends.
But I wasn’t entirely happy.

I was feeling down. I was emotional and people can tell.
I can tell from their faces that they know I’m feeling really emotional deep down.
Somehow or rather the look in their eyes make me wish that I weren’t there.

I remember that night.
I remember how I felt.
One year, everything changes.
I feel silly for being so upset last year at my birthday party. I should enjoy.

This year, it will not be the same.
I will be so much happier, this is for sure. (:
I’m excited and nervous all together.
Very looking forward to spend my birthday with the guy I love. (: